At one point, she sat beside me, oilin’ my scalp in silence like I was a child, and that almost broke me worse than anything ’cause it made me realize just how bad off I looked.
Outside, it had been chaos since early this mornin’.
The news vans had lined up down the street first, then the reporters had started gatherin’ near the gate like vultures waitin’ on somethin’ to die all over again. Every time somebody opened the front door or one of the staff moved near the front windows, cameras started flashin’ and microphones came up. People started shoutin’ questions nobody in this house was about to answer. They kept sayin’ Kay’Lo’s name. They kept sayin’ Echo Lennox’s name. They kept bringin’ up Rioh, Jaqwon, the trial, the Attorney General, corruption, retaliation, and all kinda shit that made my head throb.
Roderick Lennox still hadn’t shown his face one time, and that part made everything feel worse.
Usually, that man was somewhere in front of a camera with that fake polished voice and them cold dead eyes, talkin’ like he was the only person in Trill-Land who understood justice. Usually he was loud. He was visible and somewhere performin’ grief and power at the same time. But now that all three of his kids was dead, his ass had gone silent, and that silence felt more dangerous than anything he could’ve said.
The silence made me think he was somewhere plottin’.
The silence made me think maybe Kay’Lo was gettin’ dragged through hell in some interrogation room while Roderick sat back and let other people do his dirty work.
The silence made me think maybe they had already decided my husband did this and they ain’t need no proof.
Treasure had called me so many times through the day that her name felt burned into my phone screen. Every time she called, her voice sounded tighter and more tired than the time before. She was at the jail with the rest of the family, and from the way she made it sound, all them powerful people and all them deep pockets and all them names that usually opened doors wasn’t doin’ much of shit for them right now. Nobody wastellin’ them nothin’. Nobody was givin’ them answers or lettin’ nobody see Kay’Lo. They just kept gettin’ the same cold lines over and over, and every time Treasure called she sounded more pissed off and more worried.
Kwame was there. Renza, Pressure, their lawyers and everybody else was there, and still nobody could tell me what the fuck they was doin’ to my husband.
That was the part that had my mind goin’ dark, ’cause if the Mensahs couldn’t get to him, then what the fuck was happenin’ behind them walls?
At one point today, investigators had all but took over this house.
They had been all in the foyer, all down the hallways, in the office, in the garage, askin’ questions with them blank lookin’ faces like they was just doin’ a job. They had checked drawers, closets, walls, rooms, and every inch they could get their hands on. All I could do was sit there with my stomach out and my face puffed up from cryin’ and tell lie after lie in the calmest voice I could make come out my mouth.
I told them Kay’Lo had been home with me. I told them we had been focused on gettin’ ready for our baby. I told them his mind had been on me and on My’Love and on this house and not on no outside bullshit. I told them he always came home after dealin’ with the pressure from the trial and stayed with me ’cause I was eight months pregnant and we was preparin’ to bring our child into the world. And while I was sayin’ all that, I was feelin’ like I might throw up on they shoes, ’cause I knew good and damn well I had stepped outside this house, took my husband’s gun, found Echo, and turned all our lives upside down with my own two hands.
They ain’t find nothin’, though… and nobody, not even Sha’Nelle knew what I had done.
Kay’Lo had already cleaned the house out before the sun even thought about risin’. Every gun was gone. The one I used was gone too. The cameras had been removed. Anything that could’ve connected back to us had disappeared like it was never there, and if I hadn’t lived it myself, I probably would’ve thought I imagined the whole damn night.
That was my husband all over…
Even with the world closin’ in, and even with me fallin’ apart in his arms, he had still thought enough to protect me first. And that thought made me cry all over again.
By the time midnight rolled around, I was wore out in a way sleep couldn’t even fix. Sha’Nelle was curled up on the other end of the couch with one leg tucked under her and her phone in her hand, but she wasn’t really scrollin’. She kept lookin’ over at me every few minutes like she was scared to blink too long and miss me losin’ my mind.
“You need to lay yo’ damn ass down,” she said after a while.
“I can’t,” I replied.
“You been sayin’ that for hours.”
“And I still can’t,” I muttered, rubbin’ my stomach. “I’m not about to go lay down while my husband somewhere with them people and I don’t know what the fuck they doin’ to him.”
Sha’Nelle sighed and set her phone down. “Ain’t nobody doin’ nothin’ to him that he can’t handle.”
I turned my head and looked at her. “That ain’t the point.”
“I know it ain’t the point,” she said, and her voice got softer. “I’m just sayin’ you gotta stop wearin’ yourself out. This Kay’Lo we talkin’ about. Not no weak ass nigga that’s just gon’ let them people take him out.”
The way she said it should’ve made me feel better, but it made my chest ache instead, ’cause I wanted to believe that so bad and at the same time my mind kept showin’ me all the ways that might not happen. What if they kept him overnight again?What if they charged him with Echo too? What if they decided he was too dangerous to let out? What if they jumped and beat his ass in there? What if he was sittin’ in some cold room right now and thinkin’ I had ruined everything?
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, and all I saw was him kneelin’ in front of me this mornin’ before he left, kissin’ My’Love through my stomach and tellin’ her to stay in there ’til he got back.
My eyes opened again and filled right up. I pressed both hands over my face and cried into them. I hated the sound of myself cryin’ like this ’cause it made me feel weak and young and stupid all at the same time.
Two more hours passed, and the silence started crawlin’ all over me. I could hear the low sound of the TV and the soft tap of rain against some part of the house. Underneath all that, I could hear my own thoughts gettin’ louder.
