And to do that, first I need to take her back to Lover’s Canyon. Not yet. No rush, but…soon.
Chapter 38
Hope
The day after we go into town and I make a new friend, we’re hit by an early summer heat wave. Luna makes sure we never run out of popsicles and lemonade, because they are the best things ever after a morning spent picking vegetables.
They’re both also lovely treats that soothe my morning sickness, and for a few weeks, it’s easy to just pretend that I’m not pregnant during the day.
After another week of cuddles, Bellamy moves back to the room across the hall where we stayed when we first moved to the ranch.
Thatmakes it easier to sink into my pregnancy being a delicious little secret between Zane and me. My belly starts to poke out more, just a little, at the end of the day. My breasts get heavier and more sensitive.
And Zane is so good to me.
Every night.
Sometimes soft, sometimes hard. Almost always fun. Once in a while, weirdly emotional, and I break down crying. Zane is rock steady and makes me feel loved. Safe.
I keep going to therapy.
June slides into the first week of July. Another heat wave hits, and my belly threatens to really pop.
Every night, we talk about if the next day will be the day we tell his mom.
Every morning, I put on one of Zane’s big t-shirts, and we make it through another day of pretending that we aren’t going to have a baby by Christmas.
Popsicles return to our daily routine. A little bit of family time at regular breaks—although it’s hard for my thoughts to not turn private and dirty when I stare at Zane’s mouth as he laughs and licks a yellow popsicle and grins again, all sticky with sweat from an afternoon of baling hay.
He came in search of lemonade. But he also came to look at me and let me look right back, to give me attention because he knows I like it.
The popsicles are mostly for Bellamy, who often needs an afternoon bribe to not wander too far from the greenhouses.
But when he shows up and she’s just pulled a cherry popsicle from the freezer, his eyes light up. “You got any more of those in there, Bella?”
“No,” she lies brazenly.
He raises his eyebrows at her. He’s getting good at that. I don’t have to intervene at all. “Bellamy, please share.”
“Okay…but you can’t have the pink ones.” She scowls at him. “They’remine.”
He winks and leans against the counter, right next to the ladder stool she climbs on when I’m working in here. “No problem. Give me any other colour.”
“I don’t like yellow ones. They make my face pucker.” She shoves a lemon popsicle at him. “You can have this one.”
“Is it banana?”
She giggles. “No. It’slemon.”
“Banana popsicles used to be a thing. Are they not a thing anymore?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you know? Did you buy these?”
Her giggle gets louder. “No! I don’t have any money.”
“Why not? Do you need a job? I’ll pay you to muck out the horse stalls.”
