Darcy rubbed his forehead irritably, “If they cannot manage their staff…”
“There you go again. Utter nonsense! It is not their fault that you are in an ill temper. It is notmyfault either, Mr. Darcy, so you can stop glaring at me this instant!”
The man blinked and looked away. “I had no idea I was glaring. I apologise for that. As for my conduct, madam, I do not think I have been so unreasonable.”
“Then you are deluded, sir.”
“You have some complaint about my treatment of you?”
“Of me? No, not at all. When we are alone you are goodness incarnate. When we are in public, you have become as taciturn as you ever were. I shall not allow you to act so, unchallenged. I would rather turn around andwalkback to Pemberley than have you unleash your temper onto my family.”
Darcy had been silent throughout the whole speech, his brows drawing furiously together, but at her last words the scowl fell away. It was clear that Elizabeth was not making an empty threat. The fact that she would rather miss her beloved sister’s wedding than make Jane suffer his company shook him to the core. Darcy’s indignant certainty that Lizzie was simply in a bad mood was replaced with ice-cold clarity. He shuddered and looked away.
“Have I really beenthatbad, Elizabeth?”
Lizzie glanced pointedly at the door, where the maid had fled. She did not need to say anything. Darcy went rather red.
“Yes,” he muttered, “I am in ill spirits. It appears that I did not conceal that fact nearly as effectively as I hoped.”
Elizabeth’s furious eyes softened, filled with growing empathy. “You have no skill for artifice, my love. I wonder if the attemptto hide your pain is causing you as much discomfort as the cause itself.”
“How perceptive you are. What do you imagine the cause to be?”
“I admit that I have no idea. If I did then I would have tried to help you, sir, instead of scolding you.”
Darcy laughed shortly and looked down at his hands. Now that he was conscious of his distress, the tremor was unmistakable. The mark of a drunk, branded upon him for all time. It only happened when he was agitated, and it always made his bad moods worse. Here, shuddering in his blood and his bone, was the man beneath the tree.
“I had not thought to go back, ever.” Darcy confessed, “I even… I must tell you, Elizabeth, that your estrangement from your family served me well. I thought that we would have no reason to come within twenty miles of Meryton once we had left it behind.”
“You dislike it so much?”
“The town? Not at all. It is an agreeable enough place, and the countryside around it is beautiful. I have no objections to theplace,Elizabeth. The people within it are the ones who disturb me. I sometimes think… I sometimes… Elizabeth, I am afraid that they will…”
“Afraid?” Elizabeth’s jaw dropped, “Oh, my dearest…”
“No, do not misunderstand. I mean that I cannot be among anyone who has seen me at my worst. The thought sickens me.”
“Well!” the woman laughed awkwardly, “Should I make my farewells to you, sir?”
Darcy glared at her. “That is not what I meant. Do not trivialise this.”
“Ah, then you must be referring to my sisters. Or is it dear Mr. Bingley who troubles you? His judgement will be the most scathing of all.”
“I refer,” Darcy said stiffly, “To the people in the town. Those who do not know me, but who dislike me, and havenoreason to tolerate me.”
“I understand. The opinions of such irrelevant, ignorant people should indeed torment you.”
“You are still being trivial, madam. If you have nothing sensible to contribute, then we should end this conversation now. Clearly, I should not have raised the subject. In the future, I shall…”
“Darcy.” Elizabeth interrupted quietly, but firmly: “You are shouting. You have imagined opinions which I did not say, andwouldnot say. Stop pacing, my love. You are making me dizzy! Come and sit down with me. I shall speak bluntly, if you would prefer it. Then I shall be forever silenced on the matter.”
With a meaningless gesture, suspended between a shrug and an agitated flourish, Darcy obliged.
“Stop glaring at me, dearest.”
Darcy did not oblige. His face seemed to have frozen in place. He felt too exposed to permit any part of his body to soften. Elizabeth sighed and wrapped her arm around his straight, unbending shoulders.
“I cannot reason with fear.” she said softly, “It never listens. I know that far too well, my love. You are a rational man above all else; I have no rationality to offer you. We lost this battle before we even began! I cannot imagine how much that wounds you.”
