Collins watched in disbelief as the servants hurried back towards their duties. He could distantly hear cries of distress as the guests hurried inside from the pouring rain. The fairytale ball was definitely over; carriages were already being called for.
Mr. Collins had a wild thought, then, to commandeer one of them and chase Jane down. He smiled slickly, wiped water from his forehead, and then made his unsteady way to the front of the house.
The driveway was full of carriages, all waiting for their owners to emerge. There was already a crowd of ladies and gentlemengathering in the entry hall, huddling under their thin summer coats and trying to decide whether to make the undignified run through the rain to get to their carriage, or whether to stand around in their ruined clothes with all of their peers watching.
Oblivious to their curious gazes, Mr. Collins selected one of the smaller carriages at the back of the line and strode up to it with a confident smile. He had no idea that, as covered in mud as he was, he looked more like a troll than a rector.
“You there!” he shouted to the driver, “Let me in at once! We must leave without delay.”
“Oh,mustwe?” the man sneered down at him. Clearly fed up with sitting in the rain, the driver was in no mood to humour drunken louts. He was, however, bored enough to tease them. “What’s the trouble, my good sir?”
“A woman has absconded! She must be caught! Caught and… and brought back to me! Right now, sir, right now!”
“As you say, sir.” the driver agreed, then settled more comfortably into his seat and started a leisurely exploration of his right nostril.
Mr. Collins puffed up with indignation. He was shivering now, in nothing but his shirt and an aromatic veneer of manure. The sight of the carriage, dry and warm, was almost as inviting as the thought of getting the wretched woman back and shaking some sense into her stupid head.
Growling a rather un-Christian curse, Mr. Collins lunged forwards and tried to grab the doorhandle. His foot slipped on its journey to the step, and he fell forwards. His nose was squished unpleasantly against the door, and then he slid all the way down with a long, undignified squeak.
“Watch your step.” the driver called down helpfully.
The carriage in front of them moved forwards as the ones at the front of the line departed. Clicking his tongue, the driver urged his own paired bays forwards. Mr. Collins cried out in alarm as the huge carriage loomed over him. His fingers were snatched away from the perilous wheels, but he was too slow to drag back his foot. There was a crunch, which was thankfully mostly the boot, but Collins screeched when hot pain radiated out from his little toe.
That, on top of the drunkenness and his fury, came out in a long and bloodcurdling scream. Then he fell backwards onto the gravel and let the night swallow him up.
Chapter 75
Mr. Darcy and his wife had absolutely no intention of coming down for breakfast the next morning. Nor did they spare a second’s thought for luncheon. It happened that their exertions were enough to raise a considerable appetite, however, and they finally rang for a tray to be brought up at mid-afternoon.
They knew what was going on in the rest of the household. The haze of pleasure they had fallen into had not been blinding enough to make them forget their duties, at least at first. When they returned to the house the night before they had a few moments of clarity. They had to be sure that Georgiana was well, and tell her the truth. The younger lady stared at them while they spoke, and Elizabeth wondered what in particular was making her eyebrows raise. Surely the most striking matter was Jane’s escape, not their appearance!
It was only when they bid Georgiana an awkward (and very early!) goodnight and locked the door of Darcy’s room that Elizabeth understood. Humiliated and laughing, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her dress was soaked and ruined, torn from running at the hem and loose at the neckline where Darcy had pulled it down. Her hair was a mess and her lips were swollen.
Perhaps her sister had thought she had simply tripped in the woods. Elizabeth doubted it. Georgiana had evensmirkedat her, once her panic had been dispelled.
Lizzie did not have long to study her appearance. In a few minutes the ruined dress pooled by her feet, and her embarrassment was utterly forgotten.
When the tray was delivered, Elizabeth hid under the blankets. Darcy had no such shame; he took the tray from his servant at the door, wearing only a dressing robe and a relaxed smile.
“You want them to know.” Elizabeth hissed from the bed. Darcy raised an eyebrow as he brought the tray over.
“Do you remember the first time you came to my room, angel? You told me that you needed to stay for at least half an hour, to hide our true purpose.”
“Yes. You said that an hour would serve your pride better.”
“You were eager for the servants to think we were having congress then, even though it was a lie. Now it is the truth, and you would rather they think otherwise! What should we tell them, Mrs. Darcy? That we were reading poetry all night?”
“Well, I…”
“Loud poetry, madam, with the word ‘yes’ used with inelegant repetition?”
“Do not tease me!”
“Ah, but you always tease me. It is refreshing to have you on the back foot for once.”
“I suppose it must be, sir, since you have had me in so manyotherpositions this morning.”
Darcy laughed aloud, “Now balance is restored, and I am the one being teased. I do not deserve it.”
