Algenon’s heart pounded in his chest, and a trickle of sweat dripped down his back. His father was right. He was reckless. No matter what he did, Javenia would face ruin.
Miss Jacinda’s song finished and clapping filled his ears. Several more people near them glanced their way. How many of them had overheard Lady Plum’s declaration? How many agreed with her?
His father rose to make room for Phillipa to pass, a flash in his eyes as he glanced in Algenon’s direction. Lady Plum had been far louder than he thought. Had the whole room heard?
Phillipa took her place, clearing her throat nervously as she sat at the piano. Extremely accomplished, she could accompany her own singing, but when she hit a wrong note in the introduction, he worried she’d lose her nerve.
She looked to him, and he gave a nod of encouragement. Her chest rose and fell as she took a breath and began to sing. She was so sweet and innocent, so trusting and kind.
Lord Rupert shifted in his seat, drawing Algenon’s attention away. Only then did he recognize the woman glaring him down one row behind His Lordship. Lady Upton’s youthful face was hard and accusatory. Brown eyes, much like Javenia’s, burned into him.
He swallowed. It seemed today he had upset more than one Harris woman.
Javenia stared into the darkness through her window. She’d not bothered to light a candle or stir the coals in the fire, the efforts too much for her weary soul. Her family would be arriving home from Mrs. Cline’s musicale at any moment.
Hopefully they would think she’d truly gone to bed early, as she’d insisted she would. The last thing she needed was for her mother to question her again about the events of the day.
It was bad enough that her father had pulled her into a hug the moment he saw her after she’d returned. For a man who rarely showed physical affection, it had overwhelmed her and caused her tears to fall afresh. Not one to pry, he’d allowed her to weep into his coat and then carry on to her room where she’d hidden the rest of the day.
Mama, however, was not as easily dissuaded. She pestered her until Javenia had claimed a headache and the need to rest. If only that rest would have come.
Instead, she’d watched each and every dream she’d carried dissolve. Not that it had been that hard. They’d become brittle over the years, anyway. How did one hold on to fanciful desires when they were met with failure at every turn?
Perhaps if she had something to hold onto, a little change for the better, or a light to look forward to, but every seed of hope always met with destruction. Usually under Lord Roberts’s boot.
Years of disappointment had worn her down. She pulled her wool shawl tightly around herself, tucking her feet under as she adjusted on the window seat. The glass of the window was cool on her forehead as she leaned against it.
It was time to move on. She’d tried once, back when Duncan had claimed he loved her. This time, it would be different. It was time to embrace her spinsterhood. It would not be all bad. Many women found joy in a life alone. Besides, Jenica had written just that morning to say she was in the family way. It was time to turn her efforts toward doting on the little nieces or nephews that were to come, of which she would no doubt have many. Already Cindy had turned the head of more than one eligible gentleman.
Then there were her friends. She’d have endless hours to talk of books, help with the needy, and learn new skills. Perhaps shecould convince Livy into teaching her how to fence. Of course, with the revelations in Livy’s recent letter that might need to be put on hold.
She now understood what Algenon had been hinting at when he’d spoken of Melior and Nate’s hope for the future. Why her friend—both her friends—had waited to tell her she didn’t understand, but at least she’d have no end of babies to snuggle. Just notherbabies.
She battled back the sudden sting in her eyes. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she picked up the list that sat before her.
It had been a disaster. How had she thought her efforts would bring about any change after so many years?
Stiffly, she rose and approached the fire. Nothing was going to change. No matter how many things she added to the list, she’d never hold as much sway over Algenon as his father did. She couldn’t delude herself into thinking that meant that he loved his father more than her, only that Algenon’s desire for respect and to be finally accepted by his sire would always overpower any other claim on his heart.
She glanced over the list one last time. The only thing she’d not been able to complete was to get Algenon alone so she could confess her feelings. With two fingers, she held the light blue paper over the glowing red coals.
A knock sounded at the door and she instinctively yanked it back. The door creaked open a crack.
“Javenia?” Her mother’s voice carried through the dim room before her footsteps followed.
Quickly, Javenia folded the paper. If there had been a flame instead of coals, she would have thrown it in, but she could not risk her mother reading what was written on the paper before the coals slowly consumed it.
“I thought you would be in bed.”
Not having any pockets, Javenia quickly sat in the wingback chair nearest the fire and stuffed the paper down into the cracks. “I had been in bed, but…”
But what? All excuses fled from her mind. She couldn’t tell her about her heartache. She’d been forbidden to even have a heart where Algenon was concerned.
“You couldn’t sleep?” Her mother picked up the poker and stirred the coals. They flickered to life, adding light to the room.
Javenia sighed. “I could not.”
“Does this have anything to do with Mr. Roberts?”
