I havegotto call my therapist.
4
OVEREAGER PUPPY-DOG VIBES
Ro
“What I’m hearing is that you’re struggling with a new obsession: your thoughts of this woman, and a new compulsion: your urge to stalk her.”
Yikes.
June, my therapist, really isn’t pulling any punches today.
“I, uh…” I ruffle the short hair on the back of my head, then drop my hand back to my lap. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess?” June says, her head tilted and a tiny smile quirking one side of her mouth.
“Fine. That’s correct. I have a new obsession and compulsion and…”
June raises her eyebrows, nodding her head for me to continue. She’s always patient, never rushing me when I struggle to admit a truth I don’t want to face or find words that elude me.
“It’s stronger than any of the other urges I’ve had. The demon…” I grimace. “He really likes her.”
June jots a couple notes on the yellow lined notepad in her lap, then looks back up at me.
“We’re going to come back to that, but first, is it okay if I share an observation with you?”
“Of course.”
That is why I’m here after all, for her help.
“I’ve noticed in the couple months we’ve been working together that you refer to the demon as being separate from you, like another entity. Is your inner demon not you?”
“He’s…” I trail off, gaping at her. I have no idea how to answer that.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Is he?”
June chuckles. “I think only you have that answer. I wasn’t trying to lead you anywhere, I was genuinely asking.”
“Right,” I murmur, turning to stare out the window.
She lets me stew for a few moments, but I shake my head and shrug. When I turn back to her with an apologetic smile, she meets it.
“We’ll come back to it, after you’ve had some time to think about it,” she says.
“Homework?” I ask.
June grins. “Homework.”
Then she looks back at her notebook.
“So, this new, stronger urge. Based on the skills you’ve learned so far, what have you already tried?” she asks.
And with that, we’re off. I relax into the sofa, letting her confidence wash over me as we figure out how I’m going to continue my journey toward being a good person when all I want to do is stalk a mysterious woman whose name I don’t even know.
I manageto resist following her—my silver-haired obsession—for a couple of days after meeting with June, and it probably helps that I don’t see her anywhere. When she doesn’t show up to the club for the fourth night in a row though, I’m feeling increasingly restless. It’s all I can do to stop myself from walking by her apartment building on my way to and from work. I’ve taken to reciting my mantra like it’s my only link to sanity, which still has nothing about stalking included, despite my therapist thinking it may be a good idea to revise it.
Denial and avoidance at its finest.
