“You’re in therapy?”
“Yes,” I say, half drained, half exasperated.
“But…” Lor trails off again, and I finally raise my head to look at her.
She’s more open than I’ve ever seen her before. Her eyes are wide, her head slightly tilted and brows furrowed with confusion rather than condemnation. She takes another step closer before lowering herself to the ground only a couple feet away. She blinks at me, then her eyes dart to the side, taking in the distant horizon before she looks back at me again.
“But you’re a demon.” Her tone is carefully restrained, but confusion and disbelief seep into it anyways.
“Yes.”
She flinches at my brusque tone, and my insides pulse with disappointment again. It’s not in my nature to be mean, and I don’t intend to treat her poorly. But the last half hour has gone completely off the rails. I’ve never experienced anything like the emotional rollercoaster I just went though, and I don’t know how to deal with the aftermath, this crash of it.
My therapist is going to have a field day helping me pick this one apart.
I sigh and swipe a hand down my face. I can do better than this. She’s not running anymore, so my demon has settled. Maybe this is a chance to fix things.
“You have questions,” I say. “Go ahead.”
“Does it help?”
“Therapy?”
She nods and I look away, contemplating the question. June told me therapy wasn’t a quick or easy fix, and I didn’t expect it to be. It’s only been a few months, and although I’ve learned a lot, putting things into practice is easier said than done.
“Hmm…” I reply, my gaze drifting back to hers. “Honestly? I think it’s too early to tell. I’m hopeful it will, though.”
Lor nods again, her expression morphing to thoughtful consideration as she sweeps her gaze across the landscape.
“Have you ever been to therapy?” I ask, cautious of the new, fragile peace between us.
“No.” Lor draws in a deep breath, then continues. “No, but… I’ve thought about it. I just don’t know… anything.”
It’s my turn to nod. I get that.
“It’s intimidating.”
“What does it help you with?” she asks.
A small smile tilts my lips as I look to the blue sky above us. That’s a more complicated question than she realizes, and my demon is stirring up again, wanting more of her.
“I’m learning about myself, about my inner demon. How my thoughts and emotions work. I’m… trying to change how I handle things. Trying to be a better person, you know?”
I look back down to see her staring at me. A desperate sort of yearning filling her eyes, piercing my spirit. My heart thuds a heavy beat, and my skin prickles with awareness.
“Yeah, I think I need some of that,” Lor breathes the words on a soft exhale, and I ache for the pain radiating from her.
“Can I touch you?” I blurt, then bite my lip ring, fidgeting with it.
Lor doesn’t react as I feared she might, though. Her eyes narrow as they trace over my face, across my shoulders and down my tense arms, considering.
“Why?”
“It’ll help…” I wave one hand around. “Settle my urges, I guess. My demon is… struggling.” I bite out the words, hating to have to bare my vulnerability in this way, but there’s no progress without change. June tells me being vulnerable is good, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.
Lor is understandably wary. She holds my gaze and her eyes dig into me. I try to be as open as I can, willing her to see everything I am.
Finally, a decade later, she scoots closer, halving the distance between us, and holds out one hand. My heart flip-flops, skipping an unsteady beat as I take in the meaning behind her gesture.
