Right, Ro. That was his name.
“Is that… short for something?” I ask as I settle into a spot at the bar.
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I mentally kick myself for letting my curiosity and interest in him get the better of me. His eyes brighten at the question and he answers it happily, providing his full name—Foras Astaroth Cromwell, such a strange name for a human—as well as a lengthy explanation of why his parents chose those names. It’s far too much information, much more than I anticipated or cared to know, and it’s unexpectedly bewitching.
I don’t want to know that he’s named after a goddess of lasciviousness and a powerful nude demon, or that one of his namesakes is known for discovering treasures and recovering lost things.
It’s an overwhelming number of things to take in all at once, and I don’t have the capacity to deal with that much energy right now. The way his eyes sparkle while talking about ancient gods above and below, his fingers glinting with rings as he waves them around, gesturing to emphasize his words. Hisexpressive face and the slight bounce he can’t seem to quell as he overshares.
It’s far too endearing, and that simply adds to my overwhelm.
I can barely manage small talk on a good day, let alone a full family history with ethical considerations to boot. Not to mention that the only emotions I’m competent at dealing with are depression, anxiety, and numbness. All these other things he’s been sparking in me…
I blink once, realizing it’s been far too long since the last time I did so, and my eyes immediately tear up. An irritating and unnecessary reaction. Before he can see, I shove away from the counter, spin on my heel, and stride out the door.
The wind hits me and I flare open my jacket, letting it cool my overheated skin. The way I was reacting to him, wanting to lean in, to feel him speak against my lips and run his hands through my hair. To absorb his words until they sink beneath my skin into the heart of who I am.
Terrifying.
I spent hours barricading myself against him, and he blasted through all of my walls in mere seconds.
It’s too much.
I don’t know how to handle it. Besides that I can’t afford to let anyone get that close to me. What am I supposed to say if he asks about my family? I can’t tell him my mom is a star-chaser so she never stays in one place for more than a few months, and she’s well on her way to going mad. And oh, by the way, I’ll be going mad if I live long enough, too.
I don’t do relationships because no one can know about my curse. It would only bring them tragedy, as it does for me and everyone else in my family. No one can know I’m a star-chaser, or about my involvement with the black market. Plus, that awful, murderous boss man would put anyone I’m close with in danger. They could be used against me, and I’d be even more trapped,or worse, they could get sucked into that world of evil right alongside me.
Ro wants to share about his name, his family, his life? Fine, he can share it with someone else.
I don’t want to know, and I don’t care.
8
EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER
Ro
My mouth falls open as Alorra breezes out the door. I’ve never had someone walk out on me like that, but I can’t stop grinning anyway. No matter that she left mid-conversation, or that she only spoke a few words.
Because she asked me a question.
That means she’s interested in me. I’m grinning like a fool at the door that swung closed behind her moments ago. This is the best day ever.
I spin on my heel and throw my hands in the air, doing a happy little celebration in the wake of her sudden departure. Of course, I wish she had stayed, but I understand that I can be a bit much sometimes. Perhaps I might have overshared a little, it wouldn’t be the first time, but it’s nothing we can’t overcome.
I fiddle with the bracelet in my pocket, then shrug and pull it out. I doubt she’s coming back tonight, so there’s no reason to keep it hidden. I sling it over my wrist and fix the clasp so it dangles loosely, then spin it around once with my fingers.
It looks good on me, matches my rings and the silver crescent moon necklace I sometimes wear. I make a mental note to startwearing a leather cuff too, so I can hide the silver chain if needed.
I smile and saunter over to a waiting customer, clinging tight to the joy that she came tonight. She held up her side of our bargain, a fact that makes me giddy with a swirl of disbelief and hope and excitement. My flames itch to break out and dance across my fingers.
Even more, she voluntarily spoke to me and asked about my name. Nothing can quell this feeling. I could take on the world and die a happy demon.
The music beats in my chest as I bounce on my feet, the volume increasing as night takes hold. Overhead hex lights pulse a rainbow of colors in time with the music, and the growing crowd cheers when a song they like comes on.
Logically, I know she left. Yet my eyes keep searching for a twirl of silver hair, swaying hips clad in black, fierce eyes daring me to make a move. And every time I look, I come up empty. A shard of disappointment grows, morphing into frustration, inspiring reckless impulses that I desperately push away.
My thoughts twist with unfounded hurt at her absence as the demon inside me grows restless.
