“It’s you.”
I’m not sure if I speak out loud or not, but somehow through the blood roaring in my ears, I hear Raya’s distant reply.
“It’s… me?”
I have her hand clenched in mine, and I quickly loosen my grip, then push it back into her lap and let go entirely. I look away from her questioning gaze, unable to meet her beautiful eyes right now with my inner beast barely leashed. My vampiric urges are riding me hard after that fleeting taste of her, telling me totake, toconquer, toown. The vampire inside thinks it needs to drain her dry or risk never having another taste again, and that’s a dangerous thought to even acknowledge. It’s exactly the type of heinous mentality my parents tried to torture into me. The treachery I gave into too many times after weeks of starvation at their hands.
I need to get myself under control.
Immediately.
Spearing my hands through my hair, I squeeze my eyesshut as I turn my upper body away and tilt my face to the ceiling, then employ nearly every single coping mechanism I taught Raya all those weeks ago. I focus on my breathing, the soft sheets and firm mattress pressing against my body. I fist my hands in my hair, taking note of the slight sting in my scalp as I remind myself the monster doesn’t rule me, then relax my muscles with an exhale. It barely helps, but slowly I’m able to regulate myself and reign in the cursed urges.
“Ash?”
I take one last deep breath before tipping my head back down to meet her eyes.
“What’s going on? Are you okay? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, or if it’s, I don’t know, bad. Or something.”
Her cheeks turn adorably pink as she inspects the lingering cuts on her hand, avoiding my gaze. I wish I could knock some sense into myself when I realize what my reaction must have looked like to her.
“No, sunshine.”
I reach a hand out, intending to turn her face back to me, but I hold back, turning it into a fist that I drop in my lap instead. I don’t quite trust myself to touch her yet. Not until I’m sure my inner vampire won’t break free.
“Raya, please look at me.”
Her confused eyes peek up at me from beneath long, dark lashes.
“I want to heal you more than anything, please believe me, but—” I shove a hand through my hair again, wondering how to tell her I’ve been obsessed with her blood since before I knew her. “Your blood, it tastes incredible.”
Her eyes pop wide, and I rush to explain.
“I don’t know what it is. I’ve never tasted anything like it, except for one time. Months ago…” I trail off, eyes searching hers as her brow furrows and her head tilts a little more than is normal for most people.
“Did you give blood before we started working together?” I ask.
“I did…” Raya replies, eyes narrowed in confusion, but I’m already nodding.
“Well, somehow I ended up with it.”
Raya’s eyes flare again and her eyebrows shoot up. She shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything. I don’t blame her, it’s such a wild coincidence I can hardly believe it myself.
“I drank the whole bottle in one sitting and couldn’t get enough. I even called the clinic to try to get more, and then when they said they had none, I hoped to get your information. Of course, they said no, and I didn’t know it was you. I don’t know what it is about you...” I trail off when I see her eyes shutter.
“Just another thing that’s wrong with me, I guess. The shifter freak.” Raya’s voice is full of self-deprecation, and she sighs, fisting her hands into her stomach.
“No, sunshine. You’re not a freak, and I’ll thank you for not talking about my girlfriend like that,” I say, mock sternness lining my voice.
She huffs, allowing me a crooked half-smile. I’ll take whatever I can get.
“I don’t even know how to process this. I figured it was a fluke. The way you taste, it’s what I imagine a euphoric high must be like. It’s unbelievable. Honestly, now that I know, it totally fits," I quickly continue, seeing her mind going back to the freak idea. “Andnotbecause there’s anything wrong with you. It fits because you smell so good, too. Your scent, it’s like sweet coconut and ripe strawberries on a hot summer day. Now that I know, I can recognize those same undertones in your scent that I tasted in your blood.”
I feel more steady now, so I reach out and pull her into my lap.
“And you smell sofreakinggood,” I say, nuzzling my nose into her neck until she giggles.
“Okay, so. What now?” Raya says.
