The only positive is that she doesn’t seem to mind me texting her all the time. I’ve never had to charge my phone daily before, and it’s a new routine I’m still getting used to since I’m using it all the time now.
Me: Morning, sunshine. How are you feeling after last night?
Raya: Eh. So so. Mostly okay but still a bitoverwhelmed I guess.
Me: It’s definitely a lot to take in.
Me: What about physically?
Raya: Physically? Fine… Why?
Me: You seemed a little off last night so I wanted to make sure.
Raya: Oh, yeah. Idk I think I was in shock or something? I feel a lot better today and I think a cozy girls day in will help too.
Me: Glad to hear it.
When lunch rolls around, I order food to be sent to her apartment. I debate what to get, not having paid much attention to human restaurants over the years. I’m not sure how many friends she has over or what they all like, but I’ve heard good things about pizza so I figure it’s a safe bet. I send two large pizzas, one meat lovers (whatever that means) and one veggie, with a side of breadsticks, and hope that’s enough.
I pace the apartment, ignoring Milton’s judgmental stare as I wait to hear from her when I see it’s out for delivery. Finally, ten years later, my phone buzzes.
Raya: Did you send us pizza?!
Me: Didn’t want you going hungry. I hope the toppings are okay, wasn’t sure how much or what to send.
Raya: This is way too much for a roomies hang haha we’re going to have leftovers all week!
Raya: OMG it’s so good tho. Thank you, this definitely makes my day so much better
Me: Good.
Raya:
I frown at my phone. I could have sworn she mentioned having “a day in with the girls” in the plural, and the way she talked had made it seem like there would be more than only her and Zuri there. Her text definitely says roomies though, and I don’t think she has more than one, so I must have misunderstood. Maybe Zuri has a kid? My mind drifts back to the mystery voice, but I shrug it off. I’ll ask her about it later.
The next daystarts the same as the last. I putter around my apartment, opening empty cupboards for no reason and imagining what they might look like if they were stocked with food for Raya.
Milton picks up on my restlessness, and he’s not pleased about it. Every time I pace by him, he swipes at my ankles with his claws, then darts to a new spot from which to glare in my direction. When I start rapping my knuckles on the counter, he straight up hisses at me.
I can’t blame him. I’d be irritated with me too. Scratch that, Iamirritated with me.
I dig out a catnip toy, then toss it into the other room to keep him entertained—and so he stops yelling at me every time I disturb his peace. I puff a breath out and contemplate a run at Forest Park, but my body protests the idea of being that far away from Raya.
Ridiculous.
I stomp into the living room and turn on the TV, then zone out and don’t watch it.
I attempt to play a game on my phone, but the screen times out and turns black. Four times.
I go for a walk and find myself hoping to run into her at every corner. So I force myself to turn around and walk home before I end up trying to walk all the way to her place.
I finally give up and pull out my phone again. I type “I miss you, what are you up to?” and then delete it, because that sounds pathetic. I talked to her yesterday, saw her two days ago, and will see her again tomorrow. Tapping my phone against my chin, I wrack my brain to come up with another option, something less pitiful, but that will also satisfy my craving for her.
Before anything brilliant comes to me, my phone lights up and buzzes in my hand. I fumble it in my excitement to answer, not even checking the screen first because my obsessive brain assumes it’s Raya.
“Hi,” I say, immediately cringing at the low, breathy need in my voice.
“Hey, cuz,” the slimy voice of my cousin slithers into my ear, and I recoil in disgust. I stare at my phone screen, struggling to register the fact that not only did Rayanotcall me, but for the first time in years I’m talking to a member of my family.
