After the match, Mylos congratulates her. From their exchange, she learns the ring is called the Pound. She sobs. The guy tells her to cheer up because she won. But Jay finds no comfort—killing someone doesn’t feel like success.
Master tosses a first aid kit to Jay. Master praises her for how much money she made him and is told she will be rewarded with a steak dinner. She doesn’t recognize her own body, like it doesn’t belong to her.
She has a panic attack and hyperventilates. Pain seizes Jay’s chest. She drops to her knees in prayer, begging the Moon Goddess to forgive her, not hate her, end the punishment and stop the pain.
She doesn’t find release until she cuts herself. The pain stops, and she believes it’s no coincidence, that her only atonement is through her own suffering.
***
In this scene, Jay is presumed to be pubescent who has had years of matches since her first. She talks about ways her first win has affected her: the Pound stopped referring to her as Bait or Prey and instead has started to call her Junkyard Jay—the Monster. Additionally, she has been profitable enough for the Pound that her matches has increased to one almost every week. The only time she is not fighting is when she is recovering.
Jay explains her recovery as staying in wolf form, since seeing her unmarked body only reminds her of the trauma, and that she lived while someone else died. Then she gets the urge to cut herself.
She reflects on her performance, which has gained the black market’s attention and is bringing in enough money that the Pound is expanding its staff. While Master is a manipulative person and Jay briefly mentions that she sees this, she notes him to be the lesser of two evils. Master hires others to assist.
With him around less often, it leaves Jay her vulnerable. The people he hires end up having an interest in her, and she mentions that they sexually abuse her. She talks about wanting to engage in genital mutilation. She says that she does one time and mentions how some things you can’t cut deep enough make yourself feel better.
Chapter TWENTY-TWO
Caleb
This was a mistake. And not just because I want to fuck her every which way but because she’s a nightmare to sleep next to.
Every time I’m about to fall asleep, she mutters something in her sleep.
I sit up and look at her.If I just take this pillow and place it over her head...
I shake the thought from my mind.No, I can’t do that yet.
But I have to get some sleep. I drop the pillow, trying to figure out what to do with her.
I flop on my back and groan, then turn my head to face her. My eyes scan her curves. She’s in my bed and within reach. And her booty isright there.It’s a constant cycle. I want to kill her, I want to fuck her... kill her, fuck her, kill her, fuck her. It never ends.
Ugh, okay. Think of something else. Um... balls. Big hairy balls. King Dax’s balls.
I lift the sheet and peer at my crotch.
Oh yeah, that worked.
Why did I tell her she could sleep with me? I could’ve tied her to a tree outside. It would’ve been much more appropriate. Now there’s an idea.Damn, maybe I’m the masochist. Is it me? Am I the problem?
No, wait, it’s the bond that’s the problem. Not me. I’m just a victim.
She turns onto her side facing me. Her hands are cupped under her head in prayer. Her mouth is parted slightly open. I stare at her without interruption or a time limit. I’m free to just stare. It was rare I got to see her like this. Before her capture, she was almost always in wolf form.
Except that one time I took her books... And damn, the things she reads. I got hard just from thinking about her getting hot and bothered from such dark scripture. I discovered a new kink—which is anything she’s into.
Her button nose has a little shine at the tip. I never noticed that before.
Seeing my T-shirt swallow her whole, I picture her in a lace-trimmed camisole that shows the swell of her breasts. If she were wearing it, with the ways she’s posing, her cleavage would be on display...
Ugh, not again. Alright, um . . .
But I don’t have to think of anything to settle my boner because Jay knees me right in my balls in her sleep.
Holy shit. Ow!
I flick her off while she’s sleeping.Bitch.
