“You cut yourself.”
Her face drops to the floor.
“Why?”
Tears pool in her eyes. She shakes her head in shame.
I cup both sides of her face.
She doesn’t speak and doesn’t have to. When I look at her, her eyes tell me everything I need to know.
“It’s because of me,” I say.
Tears stream down her cheeks, confirming my theory. “I did this to you,” I say.
“No! I just—” Her bottom lip quivers again as she tries to find the words to minimize my effect on her emotions. “It hurts to love you.”
I wouldn’t want her to hide her feelings, but I’d be lying if her truth didn’t gut me.
I won’t shy away from my wrongdoing.
I take her hands in mine. “What I said to you, it was wrong.Iwas wrong. You’re not a monster. If anything, I’m the monster. I took it out on you, and it’s no excuse, but I was scared, Jay. I pushed you away.”
“What were you scared of?”
“Losing you.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you lose me?”
I’m not supposed to tell her, but I tried that already and look what it did to her. I’m not fucking this up again.
“Do you remember the boy those bullies killed?”
“How could I forget?”
“He belonged to the dark coven. Apparently, he was a protégé of theirs. When I took my pack members’ lives, I took away the coven’s chance to handle it how they saw fit. The witches said if I don’t mate with Medein, they’d kill you.”
“Me? Why me? I didn’t do anything.”
“They don’t care. You were there.”
Her mouth forms a hard line, and she drops her hands.
My wolf whimpers at the loss of her touch.
“Is that why you brought Medein to church today? Do you plan on bonding with her?”
“What? No! No. I brought her here to try to convince her of another deal. I want to be with you. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
“Then why push me away? Why not just tell me what’s going on? If there’s a hit out on my life, I’d rather know. We could’ve figured this out together. I could’ve—”
There are so many reasons, but I settle on one I think she needs to hear the most. “Because since you came into my life, I can’t think clearly—especially when I’m near you. I’m emotional, I’m impulsive, I’m thoughtless when it comes to anyone but you. And it’s tearing me apart.”
Her chest rises. “I get that you wanted to protect me, but I would’ve helped find a solution.”
I nod vigorously. “I know. I’ve been dealing with everything by myself for so long, I forgot what it’s like to ask for help... There is no excuse for the things I said. It was hurtful, childish, and you didn’t deserve it. Regardless of whether you choose to forgive me, I will be careful of my words and willneversay anything like that to you again. And the next time I’m struggling to carry the weight of the world, I’ll remember you’re strong enough to share it.”
She nods. “What happens if Medein doesn’t take the deal?”
