After a knock on the door, Taya peeks her head in without waiting for permission. “Hey sorry. Jemma let me in.”
I sit up and comb my bird’s nest with my fingers. Taya is one of those women who always looks put together and makes time to put effort into her appearance in the morning. I admire the self-love that takes.
“Hey, Taya.”
She sits on the bed. “How’re you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
She gives me a look, pressing her lips together and squinting, not buying my lie. “You know Jemma doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut, right? She told me you’ve been holed up here or wandering around Bloodhound territory aimlessly for the past couple days.”
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to me that Jemma sensed something was wrong. I made it obvious.
“What’s going on?”
I tell her everything. About Caleb. Being a rogue. Even how I killed Alpha Jack.
“Come on. Get up.” Taya tosses clothes at me.
She was nice to give me the clothes she doesn’t wear anymore. Which, by the boxes she gave me, I would have thought was her entire wardrobe.
“Where are we going?”
“We are going outside, andyouare going to get some sunshine.” Then she’s out the door.
***
I have to hand it to Taya. Watching people get beaten up isn’t the worst way to spend my time. Although it’s not improving mydepressive state, I guess it’s better to not be alone in it.
“Forgive me for asking, but... you’re a beta to the Queen... and wife to the King’s beta. How is it that you don’t know how to fight?”
“I never learned,” Taya says.
“Why? Is it because you don’t like fighting or would no one teach you... ?”
“Caleb’s father and mother really didn’t believe in violence. So, no one really trained in combat except for the Wallers and Alaina, when they assumed she might become Bloodhound’s next luna,” Taya explains.
I can appreciate where Alpha Jack and Luna Kathy were coming from, but I surprise myself when I don’t agree. I didn’t think there was anyone who would reject violence more than me, but I guess I was wrong. I hated being forced to fight, but I’m thankful I could. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.
“What do you think?” I ask.
“I may notliketo fight, but I understand that it’s important to know how. Especially in my position.”
“Do you want to learn?”
“I do, but I don’t think I’ll be any good at it... On the other hand, I also don’t like feeling helpless.”
I’m taken aback. “When have you ever felt helpless?”
Taya tugs at the grass beneath us, fidgeting with a blade, tearing at it until there’s nothing left. She pulls more grass up again. She stares off at the grassy field, squinting from the sun rays, revealing she has freckles just like me.
“It’s not always rainbows and roses being in a pack. I’ll admit, the pros outweigh the cons—by far. But it’s scary to have love for someone because it means you could lose them one day. Or worse, if someone decides to take them from you.”
“I don’t mean to offend you, but... what I’ve heard is that you have love... and if the worst thing you’ve had to deal with isbeing afraid of the inevitable... I’m sorry, but that still sounds like a good life.”
Taya looks up at the sky as if she’s trying to understand what I’ve just said. I clarify further. “I mean, isn’t the saying it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’? To have people love you...” I scoff and shake my head. “I’d say that’s pretty lucky.”
“I don’t feel helpless because I’m loved. I feel helpless because...” She pauses.
