But I’m not buying that the obvious is his only reason. It can’t be a coincidence that my wolf, Taya and a random nurse both came to the same conclusion.
“No. Why did you care to kill your own people for what they did to me?”
“I’ll answer your question... If you tell me why you helped my mom.”
He’s got you there, my wolf says.
Crap. My eyes drop to my lap to focus on my fidgeting hands. I know why. I like him. For a while, I just didn’t always know. Or... maybe some part of me did. My wolf sure did. In noscenario did I ever think he might feel the same way. I realize I’ve been convincing myself I don’t feel for him, likely just to avoid getting hurt. Because in what world would he ever feel the same way for someone like me?
But . . . maybe?
I shake the thought away. No. I can’t tell him. I’ll never recover if he doesn’t feel the same way.
I lift my gaze back to him, meeting his eyes, reserving the right to remain silent.
Caleb receives my unspoken decision and gives a knowing smile. “I guess we’re both keeping secrets, then.”
Chapter THIRTY-EIGHT
Caleb
Tyler’s logical response to finding out Jay is my mateechoes in mybrain.Itwas pleasantly unexpected. After sharing, it was freeing to gainvalidation. Free to feel. Or at the very least, free to explore my emotions. It’s all so complicated, though. After everythingI put her through, would she reciprocate any of it?I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.
Yetmy gutis telling me she feels it, too. The tension between us is painfully obvious.Every second I’m not touching her is torturous. It takes everything in me not to mount her, not to claim and mark her when every fiber of my being demands it.
For a while, we stare at each other, refusing tobend. Neither of us can speak any of it into existence. I shouldn’t reduce it to something as tired as miscommunication when it’s more than two adults refusing to talk for their own reasons. First, there aren’tthe rightwords toexplain what thisinexplicablywrongtug between usis. Second, it’snot what we say but rather what we feel and what is lingering between us isfear.Regardless, words have not been our love language. But ouractions? They have spoken louder than words ever could.
I take a leap of faith and give myself over to the bond. I reach for herhand, and the sparks tickle my palm as I settle over her skin. And it’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Perhaps the only thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Like a dork, I count eight seconds before Jay is unable to stand my touch any longer and shy away from me.
She scrambles out of bed. “I should, uh, probably get dressed.”
Dammit,nowI’ve scared her. I try not to crumble under her rejection as it’s my fault she’s skittish in the first place. I clear my throat. “Uh, yeah. Of course.” My eyes don’t leave her as she stands and grabs the clothes, moving to the farthest side of the room to get away from me.
She stares back at me.I try to read what she might be thinking. Did she pull away because she’s repulsed by me? Or is she not repulsed andit’s that beingalone is terrifying her just as much as it is me? I have to know.
“Could you?”
“Yes?” I perk up at her voice.
It’s cringe, but I can’t help it. I’m eager to know what’s on her mind.
“Could you, um…”
In my head, I’m a spastic mess, desperate for her attention.Could I? Yes, anything. Everything. I would do anything. If I can, I will.I can’t take the anticipation.
“Turn around, so I can change?”
My hope deflates like a balloon.Definitelynotwhat I was gunning for. Reluctantly, I look away.
A minuteand several teeth grindings later trying not to sneak a peek,shespeaks, “Alright, you can look now. But– but don’t laugh, okay? I look ridiculous.”
Mate could never, my wolf says.
He’s right. I was trying my hardest not to jump her bones when she was draped in rags. Whatever Taya brought her, I don’t have a prayer. But Imake sure tosay one anyway before I turn around.
Jay is wearing a faded Mediterranean blue sundress huggingher waist and flares out at the bottom. Although Jay’slegs are much longer than Taya’s, making it ride up shorter on her. Taking my breath away.
