“What do you mean?” I ask even though I know what she’s hinting at. It’s been on my mind all morning.
“The pledge you made to try out the ‘real Ellie’ around him—are you still going through with that now that Venice is behind you?”
I mess with the cap on the bottle rather than answer her. Everything made more sense before this trip. I was going to tell Will about myself and we were going to bond and kiss and eat from the same plate of spaghetti like in that Disney movie. But spending all this time with Dev has confused everything. I can’t forget his words from the night we got lost or the way it felt to be so near him. Like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. But Will is waiting for me back in England and I’m not ready to let go of him either.
“Ellie?”
I shake my head. “I’m... conflicted.”
“Obviously. The guy running the cash register can see that.”
I turn to her. “Tell me what to do about Will.” My words are loud—a command.
“What? No.”
“Yes, please. Just give me your opinion. You always have a better handle on things than me.”
She heaves a big sigh, as if she wishes she could be anywhere but here, having this conversation with me. “I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life. But... I do have an observation, if it helps anything.” I nod eagerly. “I know you think Will makesyou happy. But sometimes... well, you seem happier when you’re not with him.”
“What am I like with him?”
“You’re... on edge. Sanitized.” Her tone is matter-of-fact. “You’reElleinstead of Ellie.”
My stomach drops. I am? Sage says it like it’s so obvious. My mind spins, trying to compare my time with Will to my time at Emberton.
She touches my arm. “Have you two even talked about what happens when we go back to America? Has Will said he wants to date long-distance?”
“No. He... I don’t think he likes to plan much into the future.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not sure the rest of this matters.”
My conversation with Sage plays in my mind the entire flight back. She’s right. If Will and I are destined to break up in a few weeks, it doesn’t really matter what I decide to tell him. And I can’t see any other outcome but that. I know some people can make long distance work with texts and calls and lots of FaceTime, but we can’t always find time to see each other when we’re thirty minutes apart. There’s no way we can make this work when we live in differentcountries, and I have zero money for another trip abroad. Which means that the only real question is whether I want to spend my last weeks here in a relationship with an expiration date. Maybe that would take the pressure off. We could just have fun—no expectations. Or maybe it makes it sad. I can’t decide.
Sage takes a seat alone on the train back to Northampton, saying she wants to use the time to study (of course she brought her notes on vacation) so Dev and I sit together. I’m a little nervous to be close to him again, but as soon as we start comparing photos, I relax. It turns out he took photos of artwork, but almost none of Venice itself, so I send him all of mine.
“Do you have any big plans tonight when we get back?” he asks.
“Other than staring at these photos and wishing I could teleport back in time? Nope, my calendar is wide open.”
“Do you want to study together? I think Sage has the right idea.”
More time alone. I’m not sure that’s a good idea... but then again, he only wants to study. And he’s never explicitly said he wants to be more than friends. For all I know, he’s oblivious to what’s going on in my head.
“I guess we can study. But I reserve the right to stare at Venice photos every thirty minutes.”
“I wasn’t sure about this trip,” he says. The creak of brakes is shrill as the train pulls into the Northampton station. “But I have to admit you were right.”
I stand straight up and almost drop my bag on my foot. “Wait. You’re admitting—without coercion—that I was right about something? You did hear that, didn’t you?” I ask Huan.
Frank stayed in London and Huan’s been quiet the whole train ride, but he perks up at this. He pulls out his phone, opens up a dictation app, and sticks it under Dev’s nose. “Could you repeat that once more, sir, slowly and carefully? We need it for our records.”
“Shut up.” He pushes Huan’s hand away good-naturedly. “I’ve learned my lesson. Never bet against Venice.”
We’re still joking and laughing when the van drops us off at Emberton. Probably we’re giddy with exhaustion. Out of the corner of my eye, I seeblue. Shiny, recently washed blue metal. My chest tightens with shock and I spin.
Will sits on the hood of his car. A ridiculously large flower arrangement rests on the ground beside him. As in, I’m not sure how he got it into his car and I havenoidea how it’ll fit on my tiny desk upstairs.
My hand goes to my mouth. “Omigod!” On instinct, I look at Dev, then Sage and Huan. Sage has a small frown, but Dev and Huan have no expressions at all. “What are you doing here?” I ask him.
