“I mean, I’ve only known Will for a few months, and even thenit’s not like we’ve been able to hang out every day. Or even every week. There’s still so much I don’t know about him and even more he doesn’t know about me.”
“So what are you going to do?”
I slowly put my notebooks for psychology and British lit into my book bag. I think there’s only one thing I can do. “I’ve got to be myself around him. My real self, dork and all. We’re going to have all this uninterrupted time together on the trip—it’ll be the perfect place to come clean. And if that goes well...” I shrug. “Then I’ll think more about everything else. Plus, we’ll be on an island so even if he goes running for the hills after he sees this other side of me, he won’t get far.”
Sage laughs, but despite my bravado I’m so scared that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I already know how he feels about my Jane Austen and Cicely Mary Barker obsessions. I have no idea how he’ll react when I tell him about my fairy gardens and unicorn wardrobe, but given his previous comments, I’m not feeling optimistic. It’s possible I’m about to ruin everything by doing this, but I don’t have much choice. It’s now or never.
In British lit later that morning, I hunch over the open pages ofAlice’s Adventures in Wonderlandand try to focus on Dr. Florence as she describes the metaphoric elements of Alice’s changes in size. I’m feeling a bit like Alice nowadays. The closer I get to coming clean with Will, the more it’s like I’m shrinking after a sip from the cordial bottle. I can’t figure outhowI’m going to tell him all these details about myself. Should I just stride up to him in my unicornhoodie, rainbow mane streaming down my back, and announce that I’m in love with Captain Wentworth from Jane Austen’s (very underrated)Persuasion?
I try to catch Dev’s eye, but he doesn’t look my way. Things have been a bit awkward since that insane conversation in my room a week and a half ago. Notbad. We’re not fighting. Just weird.
I force myself to take notes on plot structure for the rest of class, since the next round of exams will be starting in a few days and I need to nail them. I bolt to his side as soon as we’re released. “You want to walk outside?” We have fifteen minutes between our classes.
He agrees and we walk down the ornate hallway, through the double doors, and out into the east garden. Without speaking, we head to a bench a few feet away. It has a nice view of the lion fountain. We sit for a minute and then I turn to Dev.
“Are we okay?”
He frowns. “Yeah.”
“Okay. Good. Because you seemed a little distracted lately and...”
“It’s nothing. My parents are just getting on me about grades. Plus, I told them about Sage’s research position and now they think I need to find a position too.”
“Do you have time for that?” I’m surprised how my mood plummets at the idea of Dev spending less time with us.
He stares at the fountain. “Maybe. I’d need to drop cricket. And Quidditch.” He gives me a small smile. That’s still our secret.
“You can’t quit Quidditch!” I lower my voice when his eyes widen in alarm. “Or cricket. You love that stuff!”
“They’re only extracurriculars, Ellie.”
“But colleges want extracurriculars. You can write your application essay about how playing Quidditch makes you a better person.”
Dev chuckles as he shakes his head.
“Do you even want to do medical research? You don’t sound excited about it.”
His smile fades. “I’m sure I’ll like it in time.”
“That means you don’t like it.” When he doesn’t argue, I throw my hands up. “Why are you doing something you don’t like?”
“Because my parents have been dreaming of me being a doctor since the moment I was born. It would make them so happy. And not just my parents—my grandparents, my aunts and uncles—” He reluctantly pulls his gaze from the countryside and turns to me. “Sahil, Riya, Anaya. You should see their faces when I talk about going to med school.”
“Ihaveseen their faces. They look at you that way all the time. Imagine how they’d look if you told them you were going to be a professional Quidditch player.”
That makes him laugh again.
“I mean it. That sport has got to turn pro soon.” I nudge him. “Have you even told Sahil about the fact that you’re playing? Or the rest of your family?”
“Only you.”
I bite my lip to keep from smiling too big. I know it would be better if he shared this with his family, but it’s fun sharing this secret with him.
“I don’t know, Ellie. I don’t think everyone else will get it. Iknow it’s a dumb hobby to have.”
His words make me think about what Miriam told me when I said something similar about fairy gardens. “It’s not dumb if you love it.”
He stares at me for a second, his expression turning serious. “I’m really glad you found me at Quidditch practice that afternoon.”
