“Even?” she yelled at first, then shrieked, “Even?”
He was not prepared when she shoved him with both hands, forcing him a step back. When she slammed her palms into his chest again, he had braced for impact and instead of moving back, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her into him.
He was expecting her to fight him, not stiffen in his hold. Then when her expression crumbled and her knees began to buckle, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and pinned her against him. She fisted his shirt at his gut and bucked against him. Not to free herself, but because sobs began to wrack her body.
Once the trembling started, her tears began to fall like a torrential rain storm in spring.
“You hurt me,” came muffled from between the open flaps of his cut.
He closed his eyes at the pain in her voice.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She could scream or curse at him all she wanted. She could hit him. But her tearful words wounded him more than anything.
Shoving his nose in her hair, he inhaled the fruity scent of her shampoo. “Know it.”
She sniffled against his now-damp T-shirt. She was probably using it as a snot rag. “I loved you.”
Hearing that made the guilt weigh even heavier on his shoulders.
He squeezed her tighter and turned his face until his cheek rested on the top of her head. He stroked her hair lazily. “Yeah, babe.”
Her voice cracked when she whispered, “But you did it anyway.”
Jesus fuck.That was like a knife to the heart. He had never intended to hurt her. He was just too fucking stupid—stupid drunk—to stop it.
But he got it. Being drunk wasn’t an excuse. He could never use it as a defense in court and he certainly couldn’t use it now.
All he could do at this point was support her during this crying jag. If anything, he hoped her breakdown ended up being a damn breakthrough. “I’m a stupid fuck. If I could go back and erase what I fuckin did, I would, Ky. Believe me, wish I fuckin’ could. Done some dumb fuckin’ shit but gonna admit, that was the worst.” He regretted it every fucking minute, every fucking hour, and every fucking day since.
After she disappeared, he never thought he’d have a chance to fix shit betweenthem.
But he now had that opportunity.
To do so, he needed to be upfront with how he felt about her. Whether she believed him or not. “It’s always been you, Ky. Always. Always wanted you by my side. On the back of my sled. As my ol’ lady. Nobody else.”
When she turned her face up to him, her nose was slightly swollen and red, her eyes shiny, her cheeks streaked from tears. “All we have to do is be civil. For Ledger.”
“Who you tellin’ that? Me or you?”
“Both of us,” came out on a shaky breath. “We can’t be fighting like this.”
“Don’t wanna fuckin’ fight. Just wanna move forward, Ky. Me, you, and Ledger. Together. All I’m askin’.”
“It’s a big ask.”
“Know it. You forgive me, gonna forgive you.”
Her voice was still thick when she admitted, “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”
It pained him to say it, but he did it anyway. “Don’t fuckin’ blame you. Just askin’ for time to rebuild what we had.”
“What we had was mostly sex and partying, Zeke. We’re parents now. We need to do better than that.”
“Yeah,” he huffed. “But gotta admit, the sex was goddamn great and the partyin’ was fun. Gotta say that’s true, at least.”
She glanced to the side and a couple seconds later, she nodded. “But that wasn’t a solid foundation for a relationship, Zeke. Partying was what broke us. Let’s not forget that you also kept going to prison.”
