I chain-smoked on the bench outside my building until I got a call from Scott.
“Hello?”
“You’re gonna wanna kiss me again.”
“Probably not.”
“Why so sad? You miss your fwiend?” He attempted a baby voice.
“No. What do you want?”
“I have good news.”
“Talk.”
“I got you something in Singapore.”
I didn’t hesitate for a second. “I’ll take it. How long?”
“Wow, you really want to get the hell out of New York, don’t you? Anyway, thereisno ‘how long’—it’s a permanent job. You’d be working with production on our live series based out of Singapore, but you can keep shooting on the weekends. It’s a great location.”
“Great. When?” I never thought of myself as the typewho ran away from things, but I was utterly helpless and hopeless. I felt like a caged animal.
“In the fall.”
“That far away?”
“Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Fine, I’ll take it.” I hung up.
Grace tried calling me several times, but I never answered and she didn’t leave a voice mail. Finally, at ten p.m. that night, she texted me.
GRACE: Ash is a very strong-willed girl.
ME: Okay.
GRACE: I’m sorry to drop this on you. She told me to tell you that if you don’t want to know her then you’ll have to tell her to her face.
ME: Grace, while you’re at it, why don’t you come here and cut my balls off or steal a kidney?
GRACE: I’m in so much pain over this but Ash doesn’t deserve any more heartache. She’s your flesh and blood.
I didn’t even know Ash, but suddenly the thought of causing her pain caused me pain. I knew I had to see her.
ME: Fine I’ll meet her. What time will she be home tomorrow?
GRACE: Three thirty.
ME: I don’t want to see you.
GRACE: That’s fine.
When I got to Grace’s building the next day, a taxi was just pulling up and I could see a teenagegirl through the window.Ash. I wished I had five extra minutes to prepare what to say, to figure out how to tell this kid that life sucks and it’s too late to go back and fix things, to just forget about me.
She stepped out of the cab and marched right up to me. “Hi,” she said, holding her hand out. “I’m Ash.” She was bold and confident. Not unlike her mother.
“Hi... Ash.” I was still testing out the name on my tongue. My face was frozen in a look of both curiosity and dread.
