I was gutted. Why hadn’t he called me? I was practically sleeping by the phone in the lounge. “You did? What did he say?”
“Oh, we’re all so proud of Matt. He’s really making a name for himself in such a short time.”
“Yes, I’ve heard,” I said, somewhat icily.
“Nothing can slow down Matt’s career, and his father is so proud of him. You know what that means to Matt.”
“Oh, wonderful.” My voice was shrinking by the second. “Did he mention me by any chance?”
“He said if anyone asks, to let them know that he’s okay.”
Anyone?
“Well... I guess if you hear from him in the next couple of days, will you ask him to call me?”
“Yes, of course, Grace. He’s been calling every week, so I’ll let him know.”
Oh, he has, has he?
I hung up with Aletha and ran back to my room, barely able to comprehend all the new information I had just learned. Elizabeth Hunt... Australia for six months... Weekly phone calls with his mom...
Three more days went by, with still no word from Matt. I dragged myself out of bed, too tired to cry and too sad to eat. I went to the lounge and called Tati.
“Hello?”
“It’s Grace.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Can you come over?”
“I’ll be there in a bit.” She could hear the pain in my voice.
She came thundering into my room fifteen minutes later. I held the article about Matt and Elizabeth out to her. She read it to herself. All she did was shake her head and offer me a cigarette.
“I’m okay, Tati.”
“Don’t overreact, Grace,” she said.
“I’m not overreacting.” By then I had stopped crying. “Just let Dan know I’m in. I’m going on tour with you guys.”
Tati grinned back at me. “Good. You won’t regret it.”
THIRD MOVEMENT:
NOW, FIFTEEN YEARS LATER
20.You Remembered . . .
GRACE
The present is our own. The right-this-second, the here-and-now, this moment before the next, is ours for the taking. It’s the only free gift the universe has to offer. The past doesn’t belong to us anymore, and the future is just a fantasy, never guaranteed. But the present is ours to own. The only way we can realize that fantasy is if we embrace the now.
I had been closed off for a long time, and I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine the future because I was still stuck in the past. Though it was impossible, I had tried to re-create what Matt and I once had. I wanted nothing else; he was all I could imagine.
But Orvin once told me that time is the currency of life. And I had lost so much of it. It was that idea of lost time that finally made me realize I needed to move on, that I would never have what I once had with Matt. I had to mourn our relationship and move on.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
