She clears her throat. So far, she’s holding it together, but I notice the hand holding her wineglass is shaking. She sets down the glass. She’s nervous. “Well, of course I’m thankful for my perfectly imperfect boys.” A lot of kids wouldn’t get that statement, but Noah and Ethan understand that Dani means it as a compliment. “All of you,” she says, and glances around the table without making eye contact. “Thankful for the ones I love who are not pictured today, Alicia and Mark, Louie Louie, my mom and dad…Ben.” Somehow, she’s not crying yet. She’s just smiling.
“Sparty,” I say. She looks up at me and laughs.
“My goldfish, Herman, that I had in fourth grade.” Now everyone is laughing lightly. “And…I’m thankful I got the show, and seriously, seriously thankful for that hot male masseuse at Burke Williams.”
“Mom,” Noah whines, but everyone else is laughing. I guess sitting here with my girlfriend gives Dani license to say that. We all know it’s a joke.
“Yes, congratulations again on the show, Dani.” My dad raises his glass.
Amanda starts talking without anyone prompting her. “I’m thankful for my family and Josh, everyone’s health and happiness, and my new backpack from REI. Go, E.”
Ethan sits up in his chair. “I’m thankful for my family and thankful that Noah finally discovered deodorant.”
Everyone laughs except Noah, who rolls his eyes. “Go, Josh,” Amanda says.
“I’m thankful for everyone here, especially you, my love,” he says to Amanda, but she’s not outwardly romantic, so she laughs it off.
My dad chimes in, which feels like an interruption but I don’t think Josh cares. “Well, I’m gonna say it, I don’t care what you all think, I’m thankful for the winter garden I have spent many arduous hours nurturing and cultivating and…well…I guess…I guess I’m thankful for all of you too,” he says. “Especially my best friend over there who has to listen to me go on and on about the stupid garden.”
My mom laughs and then smiles lovingly at him.
We all look at Kate. She hesitates for a moment. “I’m thankful for my son—I love you, Tristan—and my job and…for all of you being so nice, welcoming me and Tristan into the family.”
FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK.
Everyone is quiet and still. Dani is nonplussed, but my sisterlooks like she’s trying to decipher a very complicated flow chart. I can feel Tristan still bouncing beside me. He’s been waiting for so long, so I use it to my advantage. I think I know how to recover while all the eyes are on me.
“I’m gonna let Tristan go, he’s been really patient.”
Noah rolls his eyes at me.
“I’m…I’m,” Tristan is so excited he can barely speak. “I’m thankful for Dani!”
We’re at zero oxygen again. Suffocating quietly. It feels like hours have gone by like this.
Finally, Dani says, “Thanks, Captain, I’m thankful for you too.” She’s oddly unemotional.
My dad clears his throat loudly. “Go ahead, son, your turn.”
I don’t have anything planned, I always go with the basics. “I’m thankful for my family, and for you, Josh, for putting up with that crazy hippie over there. Noah and Ethan, I couldn’t have dreamt up better kids and awesome people. Cheers. Cheers.” We all clink glasses and drink.
I realize I didn’t thank Dani specifically. She was my family before, so I didn’t think of it. I’m hoping she didn’t notice.
This whole day has been botched.Why didn’t I see this coming?
“Let’s eat!” I say loudly, and the hum of conversation finally rises over the unbearable silence.
26
aren’t we a cautionary tale?
Danielle
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying the spectacle of Alex digging himself a Grand Canyon–sized hole right now. His judgment must be clouded by all the amazing sex they’re having. I can’tbelievehe brought her to Thanksgiving. What was he thinking? When he told me at the house a week and a half ago, I was only a little surprised. Honestly, I kinda thought he was bluffing just to see my reaction.
The truth is that at first, seeing the three of them across from me—Tristan, Alex, and Kate, like the new and improved, more wholesome family—was making me nauseous. Now I’m thoroughly enjoying it because Alex has not stopped fumbling since he sat down. I wonder if Kate even noticed that Alex didn’t say he was thankful for her or Tristan.
We’re all eating, everyone is talking, and Alex has stopped digging, for now anyway. He’s talking to his dad and Josh about the merits of composting. Amanda has given up on conversing with Kate, and Brenda is doing a really good job of pretendingTristan doesn’t exist. Later, she’ll say it’s because she’s a kindergarten teacher and she needs a break from talking to little kids, though she never treated Ethan or Noah that way.
