He takes a deep breath and lets it out. His smirk is back.
“You’re an asshole, Lars.”
“The show is nothing short of phenomenal, it’s absolutely brilliant. You’re going to make superstars out of those eight actors and probably win yourself multiple Emmys in the process. You nailed it.”
My eyes well up. This feels like a parent telling me they’re proud of me. “You think so?”
“I know a thing or two about this business.” Then, his expression turns serious. “I’m sorry about everything I did and everything I didn’t do. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when your mother was dying.”
Now the tears are streaming down. “Lars—”
“Have you forgiven me enough to let me write you an episode?”
“Of course.” I get up and walk around my desk. He stands and we hug for a long time. “Why didn’t you tell me? You know I love gay people!”
“I was stupid, I don’t know. I was still in denial, I guess. I feel terrible for what it did to you.”
“It wasn’t you, it was that cretin Beth Zinn,” I say as I lean back against my desk.
Lars sits down again and glances over at the picture on the wall of the boys and me hiking Bryce Canyon. “Alex couldn’t take it, could he?”
I shake my head.
“Does he still think—”
“Who knows. I think he’s moved on. He has a girlfriend.”
“I feel terrible. Like I should call him now, but is it too late?”
“To save our marriage?” I say with a wry smile. “Yeah, it’s far too late for that.”
“You know he called me at the height of it all. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t answer. He left me a voicemail.”
“Alex and I were already having problems long before that. We didn’t talk anymore, we only fought. There was pressure from every direction. Alex checked out. He stopped understanding, and I stopped trying to make him understand. My mother was completely out of her mind. She was horrible to him…to all of us. The Beth Zinn thing was just the final straw. We even stayed married for a while after that. I mean…we tried. But there was too much resentment and it was miserable for the boys. Things feel better now, for everyone.”
“But you and Alex…”
“Me and Alex what?”
“I don’t know, it’s weird, D. I know things had gotten bad, but for so many years, you two were like a well-oiled machine.”
“That’s not exactly a romantic description of marriage.”
“Well, okay, I get that. When I first met you, though, I was envious of what you and Alex had. It was like a secret you wouldn’t let anyone in on. And you were asexy as hellcouple!”
“Don’t make me sad, Lars. He has agirlfriend. All good things must come to an end.”
“It’s unlike you to use a trite line like that. Do you really believe it anyway…that it couldn’t last?” he asks.
“I feel like the universe is testing me today. This particular topic keeps coming up and I’d really like to go back to how you were praising me about the show, and how I was making you grovel on your hands and knees.”
“Well”—he stands—“my precious D, Iamtalking about the show, aren’t I?” He winks and then takes my face in his hands and kisses my cheek.
“One person can’t be your everything,” I whisper.
He clears his throat. “I want the season finale. I want to write it with you, if you haven’t already. What do you think?”
I blink. “What did the voicemail say?”
