“I…I love you too, Kate.” It was the worst. So obviously forced.
“Thank you for saying that,” she murmurs.
It blew by her. Or she just wanted to hear it so badly, she didn’t care if it was sincere or not.
The truth is that being with Kate is boring. There’s no way around it. I’m just not imagining any significant future with her. A lot of guys would be into her. She’s beautiful and sexy, and most importantly, she’s sweet, but it would be like eating Kraft Mac & Cheese for the rest of my life. Our conversations are banal at best. It’s like chatting with a patient and Ihatesmall talk. Every time I go to her house, she tells me about some current event she read about or saw on the news and what she thinks of it. Or a TV show she likes. Or she talks gossip abouther friends, whom I don’t even know. Sometimes she talks aboutfood or working out. The point is that she talks nonstop about nothing…and I just listen. We never have anything remotely resembling a profound conversation.
I believe Kate feels that because of my age, I’m getting the better end of the bargain in the relationship. Like she’s a 10 and I’m an old 5 who used to be a 9 and wants to feel good about himself. I let her believe that because I like the more confident version of her, but what I know about Kate now is that she should be with someone her own age. She should mature alongside someone at the same stage in life. A person who has had similar experiences that she can relate to.
For now, though, the relationship is serving a purpose, as callous as that sounds. I knew I would have to be up-front with her eventually. But last night, instead of having a conversation about it, I avoided it. She started touching me, things were progressing. I got naked quickly before she began heading south.
About two minutes into what she was doing, she paused, looked up at me, and said, “Am I your girlfriend?”
“Yes, Kate, you’re my girlfriend.”
Now it’s Saturday. I’m at the apartment getting ready to go to the house. I need to tell Dani.
I hear my phone buzzing in the other room, so I go to retrieve it. It’s my mom.
I have aLeave It to Beaverfamily. My mom and dad are still married, going on fifty years, and they’re happy and healthy—nothing to report. I have a little sister, Amanda, an occupational therapist who is ten years younger than me. She used to work at the clinic, but now she lives in Santa Barbara with her long-term boyfriend, Josh, who is a high school PE teacher. Everyone gets along. My mom and dad are both teachers still, and happy. I’m fairly close with Amanda, considering how far apart in age weare. She always seemed like such a little girl to me, and now it suddenly hits me that I’m dating someone younger than her.
I answer the phone. I figure talking to my mom about Kate first will make telling Dani and the boys easier.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. Listen, for Thanksgiving we’re gonna do it here. Your sister and Josh are coming down and they’re staying the whole weekend. Amanda misses you guys. Anyway, your dad wants to show off the winter garden.” She lowers her voice. “He never stops talking about it.” I can almost see her eyes rolling through the phone. “Oh yeah, and guess what? We set up a TV in the garage so the boys can play those virtual murder games.”
“It’s Super Mario Kart, Mom,” I say.
“Whatever, let’s talk about the menu.”
“I have something to tell you.” I realize I haven’t even asked Dani about the holidays.
“Well, go on, then,” she says.
“I’m seeing someone. I have a…girlfriend.”
I wish I could see her face, or maybe I don’t. She loves Dani. “Alex…” She’s quiet and calm. “Alex, that’s really great.” I don’t believe her.
“Great?”
“Dani is bringing that delicious sweet potato casserole she makes and an apple pie. I thought you could bring some rolls?”
Rolls are reserved for the shitty cooks and she knows it. My mother is doing a very good job of changing the subject.
“Mom, I told you about Kate because I was going to tell the boys that I’m seeing her and introduce them to her son. She has a six-year-old.” My mother is still silent. “I want to bring them to Thanksgiving.”
I do not actually want to bring Kate and Tristan to Thanksgiving, but Kate asked if she could meet my family. She also saidher parents would be out of town for the holiday—in Idaho, at her sister’s house. I can’t leave Kate and Tristan home alone on Thanksgiving. I don’t know how Dani is going to react, but I figure in a week and a half I should have everyone prepared and accepting of the reality that I am seeing someone.
My mother huffs loudly through the phone, signaling that she’s irritated with the conversation. “Okay, Alex, bring your new girlfriend and her kid. Have you cleared this with Dani?”
“I’m going to talk to her about it today.”
“Who is this person anyway?”
“It’s Kate, remember the temp at the clinic who was taking over for Jenna?”
I hear her laugh once. “Alex…isn’t she like half your age?”
