“Let me explain something to you—”
“Dani, just stop talking.”
“No, I’m pissed now.”
“You’re always pissed.”
“Listen to me, there is a difference between exaggerating, like ‘My dress was nine hundred dollars’ when it was really seven hundred, and ‘My dress was a million dollars.’ It’s beyond the scope of possibility or likelihood and it’s simply for effect.Furthermore, I haven’t written in a year. For some reason I am no longer inspired to write.”
“Don’t blame me for your writer’s block.”
“Stop saying everything I do is because I’m a writer. You always do that. You knew me before I was a writer.”
“You said yourself you were a born writer, a storyteller, which makes you a born liar.”
“Oh, screw you.”
“You won’t let me.”
“You’re a pig. Why would I? Your jealousy about my career has made the fact that I am a writer the enemy of this marriage.”
At this point, we looked up to realize we were in the parking lot of the mediator’s office. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous of you. I have my own career. Are we gonna go into Kevin’s office yelling and screaming at each other like last time?”
“I’m not yelling. I have to talk this loudly so you can hear me, remember? How come when you yell, you say it’s because you can’t hear, but when I yell, I’m a bitch?”
“Are you ever going toshut up,Dani?”
“Are you going to start showing me some base-level respect by telling me when you decide to take a different route, or stop at a convenience store while I am the passenger?”
He sighed. “This is ridiculous. It doesn’t matter because you’ll never have to be the passenger again.”
“Fine by me. I can’t believe we thought we could actually ride together. And for the record, Alex, this cookie is closed—to you anyway.”
“Well, that’s settled. Let’s head in. Now get the hell out of my car.”
Under my breath I said, “Your car that I paid for,” which isn’t entirely true, but I do know how to push his buttons.
That was exactly three seconds before I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out. It was exactly five seconds before Alex jammed the car into Reverse, backed up, almost running over my foot, and took off down the road while I looked on from the parking lot, completely dumbfounded.
5
because i have nothing to say
Alexander
For a moment, I wondered how long my prison sentence would be if I backed over her in the parking lot of the divorce mediator’s office. Kevin always liked me more. Maybe he would testify in my defense. Say it was in response to the years of Dani’s berating, emasculating bullshit.
When I pulled into the driveway of our house, I knocked around the idea of a world without Danielle. Somehow, it still seemed unbearable even though I despise her. I mean, I literally cannot stand her.
I walked into the kitchen to make a sandwich and immediately felt I was doing something wrong even though I was alone in my own house. There will be crumbs on the counter. I’ll use the wrong cheese. I’ll spoil some imaginary meal I will never actually eat.
My phone buzzed with a call from Kevin, the mediator.
“Hey, buddy. I have Dani here. You guys had an appointment. You know she’s crying—”
“I am not crying because of him,” I could hear Dani say in the background. “I’m crying because my foot hurts!”
“She said you ran over her foot, Alex.”
