“Coke and threesomes,” she pings back. I love her.
After Laura blows my hair out, she spins me around for the reveal. It’s shocking at first. It’s nowhere near blond, but I realize now that if I had gone for blond I would have had a coronary at the sight of it. I’m practically having one now.
“It looks great!” Laura says. “Do you like it?”
I smile. “I’m…Yeah, I like it.”
Alicia is standing behind me, next to Laura, looking at me in the mirror. “Bombshell. You look like J.Lo.”
I don’t look anything like J.Lo. My hair color is more JenniferAniston anyway, but it’s totally shocking against my face, at least forme.
“You’ll get used to it,” Laura says. “It’s an adjustment, but the warmth looks great with your skin tone.”
Laura has blown out my hair in soft waves. I do look younger. I know that was the goal even if I could barely admit it to myself.
“I do like it. And I need this change,” I say finally. “I’ll get used to it.”
“Next time we can get you even lighter,” Laura says.
“We’ll see…”
I’m so exhausted I can barely think and Alicia is looking at me, as perky as ever. “Wanna go find a bar?”
“On a Sunday night? No. I need to get back to the apartment and finish unpacking.”
We leave each other on a good note. As I walk to my car, I call Noah. A while ago, Alex and I decided to get the boys phones, and now I’m so grateful that we did. I can’t imagine the days when divorcing couples had to ask each other to talk to their teenage children.
“Hi, Mom.”
“How’s your arm?” I say.
“It’s just a hairline fracture in the upper part of my ulna. They gave me a brace. I can’t do baseball this season.”
“I’m sorry, Noah. That is a bummer. What’s an ulna?” I ask.
“Really, Mom? Did you ditch mathandscience all the way through high school?”
“Funny. Now tell me what it is?”
I knew what an ulna was, I just liked to hear the boys explain things they had learned.
“It’s one of your two forearm bones, Mom. You have one.”
“I know, I was just testing you. You need to get to bed. I love you. I’ll call you guys tomorrow.”
I say good night over speakerphone to Ethan and Noah and get ready to leave the salon parking lot. It’s late. Before I start my car, it hits me that I will frequently be saying good night to my children over the phone. How strange. I’ve been there since they were born. Even when I was working, I’d write from home and go into the office once or twice a week for a few hours. I’ve always been there to kiss them good night.
Back in the apartment, I put some things away and collapse onto the bed. It has that stiff, new feeling, and it smells like chemicals. It occurs to me that Alex bought the sheets the same day he bought the bed and just put them on without washing them first. They’re white. He’s always hated that I bought white sheets. He says it makes him feel like he’s in a hotel room. I like to be able to bleach them when I need to, so for twenty-plus years we’ve had plain white sheets. The first time he actually gets to buy sheets on his own and he buys plain white. I wonderwhat’s changed for him. Did he get them to please me? Orare we both just conditioned to operate on autopilot at this point?
I’m falling asleep with my clothes on. While still lying down I peel everything off and throw it on the floor. How liberating. I crawl under the stiff covers and take a deep breath. As I reach over to set my alarm, I realize that I have nowhere to go tomorrow morning. I skip the alarm and stretch out, basking in the feeling of being naked. It’s been eons. Without thinking, I open Facebook on my phone and look up Jacob Powell. His profile is public, and it basically looks like a travel log. He is still very good-looking and in amazing shape. Surfing all over the world will do that for you, I guess.
I send him a friend request and continue scrolling through his pictures. In this moment I am free. I feel alone, but not lonely…yet.
A second later my Facebook pings with a notification that Jacob accepted my friend request. A second after that I see a direct message from him. I close the app, set my phone on the nightstand, and shut off the light.
I won’t read the message from Jacob…not tonight anyway.
13
