“Of course Eli left with that guy.” I roll my eyes.
“How come Lars was a no-show?” she says.
“It’s just not his style. He doesn’t like building too much hype around something before the big reviews have all come out.”
“I get that.” She juts her thumb back toward the door. “So, you ready to leave?”
“My house is in the other direction. Go ahead and go. I’m gonna grab one last sip and then use the restroom before I head out.”
“Okay.” We hug each other. “See you tomorrow.”
I go to the bar, order a whiskey neat, down it in one gulp, then head for the restrooms. There’s a line. The woman in front of me turns around.
What? No!Beth Zinn.
“What are you doing here?!” I groan. She’s trying to tortureme.
“As far as I know, this place is public. What are you doing here?” she fires back.
“Celebrating. But you know that. There’s a freakin’ sign out front!”
“Right. By the way, bummer you got that terrible review inEW.”
I intentionally avoid reviews for this reason. My hands are sweating and my stomach has dropped like I’ve ingested a cinder block.
“I don’t read reviews,” I tell her. “SorryGracelessgot canceled.”
“It didn’t get canceled, it just didn’t get re-upped.”
“It’s the same thing…it’s today’s version of getting canceled. Why do you want to keep intruding on my life anyway, Beth? Like, what have I ever done to you?”
“I just don’t get the hype around you. You got this show because of your connections. No one sees the coincidence that Eli was the one who put this together for you?”
“Wait, what? It was my pilot. Here you go again…trying to take something away from me. You’ve got problems, serious issues.”
“That’s what people say about you.”
“Really?” I take a deep breath in through my nose and let itout slowly through my mouth. I really am done with this woman…and the whiskey is kicking in. “Do you know what they say in Eastern philosophy? They say to love your enemy. Your enemy will teach you more than your friends. Guess what?I love you, Beth Zinn!” I say, and a second later my fist is connecting with her face.
There’s a scuffle of arms and legs and shouting, a little hair pulling, and the next thing I know I am being handcuffed outside of the bar. I’m not even sure how I got from the bathroom to the street, but I vaguely remember a giant bouncer calling me a bulldog as he was carrying me over his shoulder.
“I’m getting arrested?”
The female cop looks up to the sky for a moment and back down to where I am sitting on the curb in handcuffs. “What exactly did you think was happening?”
“Where is Beth Zinn?”
“Who is Beth Zinn?” the officer says.
“The woman I punched.”
“Oh, her? Yeah, they’re taking her to the hospital. For sure a broken nose. She was bleeding like a pig.”
“What a gross way to describe it. But are you going to arresther,is what I really want to know?”
“Ma’am, we have witnesses that saw you punch her.”
I’m suddenly very sober. Sober me would never physically hurt another person. Beth has pushed me to the brink. I’ve never been arrested or even been inside of a jail before. I’m picturing something fromThe Andy Griffith Show. Actually, I’m hoping for that, but picturing something more likeOrange Is the New Black.
