“She and I are friends. But I’m willing to throw it all away for her happiness and safety, because that’s how much I fucking love her, okay? But are you willing to make some sacrifices, too?”
“Maybe.”
“Because I think if you were, you’d get your happy wife back. She’s the most loving and forgiving person I’ve ever known.”
“I know,” he said, his voice cracking. “The problem is that she doesn’t leave much for me. She spreads herself too thin.”
“I know that’s not true because outside of caring for you and Milo, there’s not much else going on in her life. And even if that were a little bit true, I’d take anything she was willing to give to me, if I were you. I’ve always wished for that myself.”
“I know. That’s the problem. She probably wishes for the same.”
“I don’t know, Lance. She’s a mess right now. You guys have to work your stuff out first.”
He didn’t respond. I got up without saying anything more.
THE NEXT DAY,I met Briel in Denver for lunch and told her what was going on with Penny.
“Why is it your business?” she asked.
“It just is. She’s my best friend.”
Briel frowned over her glass of wine. “Wow. I always thought Penny and Lance had perfect love,” she said in her thick French accent.
“Far from it.”
“Do you have love for her?”
“Don’t be like that. Penny is like family to me.” Briel was quiet after that. I think she didn’t want to come across as jealous. It was still early enough in our relationship that every word mattered, and every date was a tone-setter. We had both agreed that we would keep things casual, but I could already see her straining against that.
After lunch, I told her I had to run by my apartment to pick up more clothes, although a part of me just wanted to check in on Penny to see how she was holding up. Afterward, Briel and I would head back to my dad’s house in Fort Collins and make dinner together.
Briel waited in the car as I jogged up the stairs. When I walked into my apartment, I noticed all the blinds were closed and it was quiet and cold. Where was Ling, or Penny for that matter? I went into my room and saw the lump of her body in my bed, covered from head to toe.
I stood there, thinking about what I should do.
29.Three Months Ago
PENNY
I could hear him in the room. He was quiet at first, and then I heard him shuffling through drawers. It sounded like he was packing. Was he just going to ignore me? Maybe he was trying to let me sleep.
All of a sudden the blankets whooshed up, and he slid in and covered us again from head to toe. We were under the blankets, lying face-to-face on our sides.
“What are you doing, P?”
“Lying here.”
“Where’s Ling?”
“I told her not to come.”
He shook his head. “So you’re gonna mope here all alone? Have you even brushed your teeth?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“Talk to me. It’s three p.m., and judging by the looks of things, you haven’t gotten out of bed.” He reached his hands out to hold mine and I let him take them.
“I’m depressed. I talked to Milo and he asked a million questions. All of which I had to skirt around. Lance called and left three voicemails, asking to talk, but I don’t think I’m ready.”
