“Of course he will. But you don’t have to, like my dad said,” I told her.
“Why are you so sure Lance will be happy about it?”
“Because he’s in love with you.” I turned and caught her eye for longer than a beat. She looked away.
“I can’t believe you stayed with Lottie as long as you did. Everyone knew there was something off about her. It wasn’t a news flash when you told me she was bipolar. I actually have more sympathy for her now, poor thing. She’ll have to battle a life-changing mental disorder forever. Maybe you should actually try to be there for her instead of trying to run my life.”
“Penny, I don’t need to hear it. I told you, it was mutual.” Depression was sinking in now. She was trying to push me away, eliminate an obstacle. Penny was going to have a baby and it wasn’t mine. I had never even touched her. Would I ever?
Would she ever be mine?
24.Three Months Ago
PENNY
My husband was practically screaming and crying in our front yard.
“What the hell’s going on, Lance?”
“Milo said you had a great time with Gavin today. The three of you. How do you think that makes me feel, Penny?”
“We’ve been married for fourteen years. Why do you need me to reassure you all the time?”
“I can’t take this anymore. I’ve always been second fiddle to him.”
“Then why don’t you leave?” I started to cry.
“Is it that easy for you?”
“No, it’s not. It’s never been easy, Lance. Never. I’m sick of being caught between you two.”
“You want to teach your son that it’s okay for his wife to cavort with other men?”
“Cavort? Are you kidding me?” I was almost speechless. “I’m not cavorting with Gavin!”
The unmistakable roar of Gavin’s car coming to life echoed down the street. Lance and I stood there frozen, glaring at each other.
“He’ll never be out of our lives, will he?”
“Why would you want him to be?”
“Because you’remywife. The mother ofmychild.”
The labels killed me. “You don’t own me and you don’t own Milo. And Gavin has nothing to do with the fact that you and I are married and have a child.”
I was seething. I hated that he was trying to control me with guilt and shame. He’d been doing this off and on for our entire marriage, but lately, it had been getting worse.
Lance started doing fitness competitions ten years ago. He called it a hobby, but I knew it was some misguided attempt to seem more macho—especially after our many fruitless attempts to have another kid. I think he needed a testosterone boost just to prove to himself that he wasn’t the reason we couldn’t get pregnant, but this came with a major downside: he was always moody, and sometimes his temper was completely out of control.
I had asked Lance once if he was unhappy because we were basically kids, with a kid, when we got married. He’d said, “No. It’s because you weren’t ready.” No matter how much I tried to convince him that this marriage, and Milo, was my choice, I knew a part of him didn’t believe me—and never would. And because of that, Lance’s own happiness waxed and waned over the years.
We were still glaring at each other as Gavin drove slowly toward our house.
“And here he comes. The fucking interloper. Tell him to get his own wife and kid.”
“I’m not just your wife, Lance. And I’m not just Milo’s mother. I’m Penny. I’m a fuckingperson.”
Gavin pulled up to the curb, turned the engine off, and stepped out of the car.
