I saw Ling and Lance walking up to the auditorium. Lance gave me a squeeze and then immediately went up to my dad and started talking shop with him as they walked inside. Ling and I remained on the sidewalk outside the auditorium.
“I didn’t know you were coming with Lance. Are you guys... together?”
She scoffed. “Are you kidding? He’s obsessed with you. We drove here together and he wouldn’t stop talking about you the entire way over.”
“Wait. No. Really?”
She rolled her eyes. “How have you not noticed? By the way, I saw Gavin and Lottie in the parking lot. They’re on their way in. It looked like they were fighting or something, though.”
“I think they’re always fighting.”
“Gavin’s not exactly easy to get along with.”
I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. He’s dramatic and all over the place.”
“Yeah, but I like that about him.” I checked the time. “Sorry, I gotta get in there and warm up.”
“Aight, break a leg, sister.” We fist-bumped. I smiled as she walked away and I headed to the backstage area to warm up. All of my favorite people were there, and they were about to see me do my favorite thing in the world.
Everything up to the performance was a blur. I was so nervous but before I knew it, Joey and I were next to go on. I peeked from behind the curtain and saw my family, Lance, and Ling in the front row. I searched for Gavin and noticed him and Lottie in the back row, standing in the aisle. They were whispering animatedly and waving their hands around angrily. Suddenly, she stormed out the back auditorium door and he spun around toward the stage, shaking his head as if to send me some subliminal apology. He turned and took off after Lottie, letting the heavy door slam as he left. Luckily, the dancers on stage weren’t fazed by it.
But I was.
He was gone.
“Ready?” Joey asked, taking my hand. He seemed to have calmed down.
“Yeah,” I squeaked.
Gavin was gone.
I wouldn’t miss it for the world.Isn’t that what he had said?
17.Five Months Ago
PENNY
Frank got much worse very quickly. One night, Gavin called me to tell me Frank had been unconscious for twelve hours.
I felt helpless as I rocked Gavin on his dad’s couch. He sobbed into my shirt. It was three a.m. and he was totally exhausted. “He doesn’t feel any pain,” I whispered.
Gavin couldn’t even speak. He was in my arms, letting loose guttural noises from his chest, like he was trying to push out all the feelings from his body. I always thought about how hard it would be to watch your spouse lose a parent, but Gavin wasn’t my husband. I would eventually have to leave him there... all alone, in that house, neither one of us knowing when Frank would take his last breath.
There was a hospice worker and a nurse who were constantly in and out, but it didn’t matter. Those people didn’t exist. It was just Frank and Gavin and me, and the little bit of comfort I could give to both of them.
“I just want him to go,” he said before breaking down again.
“Go to him and tell him it’s okay.”
Gavin stood on wobbly legs, his hands shaking. I wrapped my arm around his waist and walked side by side with him to his father’s hospital bed.
Gavin knelt, taking his father’s hand in his. He laid his head on Frank’s chest. “Dad.” He could barely get the words out. “I wish I was around for you more. I wish I was a better son. I wish I went to the Rockies games with you.” Each word seemed more painful than the last.
“Shhh, Gavin, you were a good son,” I told him as I rubbed his back.
“I love you, Dad. I’ll be all right. You can let go and be at peace.”
