The room was stifling from our movements and body heat. He tore the sheet off and got to his knees.
I reached up and wrapped my hand around him. He made a strangled sound. Breathing hard, he spread my legs so that he was nestled between them. He bent and kissed my belly, then lower and lower until I was squirming beneath him, beneath his mouth and his gentle, worshiping touch.
He sat back again. I felt cold and naked. “Come down here,” I said.
Lifting my body with ease, he brought us together, to where we were going to connect. He placed a pillow under my lower back and slid in gracefully, carefully, with love in his eyes. His hands were so big on my waist that I could barely see my own body beneath them.
At first I was shy as he moved in and out. I kept my eyes closed and said, “Don’t look at me.”
“Ahh, Penny, I can’t help it.”
His movements got faster and faster; our breaths got louder and louder.
“Gavin, I can’t believe you feel this way.”
He covered my body with his, and he whispered near my ear, “We fit perfectly. I’m not going to last long.”
“Let go,” I said to him, but somehow my own body responded to the demand and I felt the aching subside and the building, building, until I was trembling. “Don’t stop, do exactly what you’re doing. Don’t—”
He smashed his mouth to mine and kissed me with such tortured passion, I fell apart beneath him. My back arched. I was frozen in that position as my body quaked. A second later, he thrust into me once more, pulled his mouth from mine, and said, “God.” The word was a prayer on his lips.
We were lifeless, limbs everywhere, not knowing which one of us they belonged to. Why had I waited so long to be with him? Why had I pushed him away all those years ago? I would never understand my twenty-one-year-old self or what she saw in other people. Why she chose Lance. I could list the reasons she gave, but they would all be overshadowed by how much I loved Gavin. How much Istillloved Gavin.
MILO’S GAME WASat one p.m., so we lay there, dozing in and out of sleep as Chet Baker played on the radio. We made love two more times in the guest bed, and once in the guest shower.
Later in the kitchen, as I made espresso for us, I asked him, “Do you feel bad for Briel?”
He pulled two espresso cups from the cabinet. “I should, but I don’t. Selfishly, I still feel bad for us.”
We were showered and dressed and it was just like any other time Gavin had sat at our breakfast bar and drank espresso. Except this time, memories of us together were rushing through me. I’d shiver, my body would react, and I’d try to push the thought away. But a part of me didn’t want to let go; after all, I would never get to experience it again.
“Are we meeting Milo there?” he asked.
“Yeah, his friend Kale’s mom is taking them. We should drive separately, though. Lance will probably be there, and I just don’t want to deal with any drama right now.”
“It’s fine, I get it. Don’t worry.”
I gave him a grateful look and mouthed “Thank you.” I downed the rest of my espresso quickly and stood up from the counter barstool. “We should get going. Are you leaving straight from the field?”
He nodded.
“And you have your guitar in your car?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Before we go, will you play our song? The one you wrote for me for my wedding?”
He smiled. “You want to see me fall apart, don’t you, Penny?”
“No, I just... I don’t know when I’ll see you or hear you play again, in person.”
His eyes turned glassy. “Okay.” He went to his car and came back in with his acoustic guitar and started strumming the familiar chords. “I changed a few lyrics.”
I laughed. “Just now?”
“Yep.”
When he started singing, it looked like he was going to cry. I stood behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.
