“Is this it?” she asked.
“This is it, P.”
She wrapped her arms around me, and I tried to commit the feeling of her, the smell of her, to my memory.
I got into Charlize and revved the engine. “We’ll talk on the phone or email or something, okay?”
“Okay,” she said.
I nearly choked on my next words. “I wish it were you, Penny.”
As I drove away, tears started streaming down my face. I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out of my pocket.
Penny: Lance and I are getting a divorce. I thought you should know.
I nearly drove off the road. The manila envelope she dropped in the mailbox. Her ranting and raving about how alone she was about to be. Suddenly, it all made sense.
Fuck.
36.Present Day
PENNY
After I texted Gavin, I got into my car and drove the speed limit all the way home, listening to the old songs Gavin and I loved, like “Plainsong” by The Cure. I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I returned to an empty house. I plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV. Buckley jumped up to sit next to me, and for the first time, I didn’t kick him off.
I texted Milo.
Me: Hi Honey. How’d your day go? Did you already head over to Kale’s?
Milo: Yeah, I’m here. His mom is gonna drop us off at the movies.
Me: Okay. Be smart.
Milo: It’s kinda hard for me not to be.
Me: Ha! But don’t be a smartass.
Milo: Did Gavin tell you he’s moving?
Me: Yep, and having a baby too.
Milo: Wow! He didn’t mention that. How’d you take it?
Me: I’m ok. I’m always ok.
Milo: I know. Did you show him your tattoo?
Me: No, but I’m sure he would have been shocked.
Milo: I love you, Mom.
Me: Love you too.
I never took naps during the day but TV wasn’t appealing to me and I was emotionally exhausted. I fell asleep with Buckley curled up beside me.
AT SEVEN, Iwoke up, ate three crackers, and uncorked a bottle of pinot noir, wishing Kiki or my mom or Ling were there with me. I had to learn to get used to being alone more than I ever thought I would. I checked my phone to see if Gavin had responded and noticed there were two messages from Lance.
