I squeezed his hand, and we all sat in silence as we waited for the check to arrive.
LANCE CAME BACKto the house to pack a few things. I told him he could sleep in the room with me, but he was a gentleman through and through; he crashed on the couch. After Milo fell asleep, I started going through old photos, wondering what I could’ve done differently. Instead, I ended up lingering over my old black-and-white dancing photos, which made me both hopeful and sad at the same time.What might have been?I thought.
What could still be?
34.One month Ago
PENNY
An entire month went by but I still hadn’t told anyone about my divorce—including Gavin. Up until that point, he had been distant. He said he needed to talk, but he avoided making a plan with me. Once Lance moved out and served me with papers, I knew I couldn’t put off telling him.
I carried the papers around in a manila envelope for days. All I had to do was sign and it would be over, but something was preventing me from doing it. As I sat in my car in the parking lot at Milo’s soccer practice one day, I finally decided to tell Gavin.
Me: Can you talk?
Gavin: What’s up?
Me: Can you talk, not text?
Gavin: I’m in the middle of something right now. You okay? Lance being cool?
Me: Yes, I’m fine. Lance is being cool. I just need to talk. I thought you did, too?
Gavin: I do, I do. I’ll be in Fort Collins in a month. I’m having some work done on my dad’s house next month before the renters move in. We’ll get lunch, okay?
I wasn’t going to tell him via text. Gavin was probably busy with the garage and Briel. Still, it was unusual for him to be that distant.
Later that night, he called my house phone. “Hey, P, can I talk to Milo?”
“Um, okay.”
When Milo opened his bedroom door, I handed him the phone and whispered, “Don’t tell Gavin about your dad and me, okay? I need to tell him in person.”
He nodded.
Twenty minutes later, Milo was in the kitchen, getting water. “That was it?” I asked. “He didn’t ask to talk to me?”
“Nope,” he said, taking a gulp of water.
“What did he want?”
“He was just checking up on me, seeing how things were going with school and soccer. He apologized for missing my first few games and said he’d be out here in a month. He hoped to spend a few days with us, maybe catch one of my games and take me out for a bite.”
“How nice of him,” I said sarcastically, annoyed he was avoiding me.
Milo shrugged and then turned to leave the kitchen.
“Wait,” I said. “Can I have a hug good night?”
“Oh yeah, sorry, Mom.”
He came over and gave me a quick hug. “I love you, Milo. Sleep tight.”
“Thanks. Love you, too.”
Over the next few weeks, I focused on being alone. I hadn’t signed the papers yet, and I was still carrying them around with me everywhere. Lance’s lawyer called and asked why I hadn’t signed them yet. I told him I would very soon.
Lance took Milo for a weekend and when Milo returned Sunday night, he seemed happier.
