“We had a short talk. I think this session is actually unnecessary, right, Dr. Lake?”
“I do. Penny, if you’re up for it, Lance would like to have a private moment with you to discuss things.”
My brain was a little fried. I hadn’t expected to be alone with him. I turned toward Lance. “What do you mean?”
“Just what Dr. Lake said. I’d like to talk to you in private. Are you okay with that?”
“I’m okay talking in private,” I said. He was trying to give me the space I needed to feel comfortable. “Where do you want to go?”
He stood up. “Why don’t you follow me to 415?”
It was one of our favorite date-night spots. “Sure...”
I looked at Dr. Lake curiously but she simply said, “Good luck, you two.”
ON THE WAYto the restaurant, I thought about how I was going to tell Lance I wanted to try again, but that I wanted a lot to change. Ineededa lot to change in order to move forward with him. I just had to be up front and communicate.
Inside the dimly lit room, we took our seats at a small table for two. He reached for my hands naturally, and I let him take them.
“I love you, Penny.”
“I love you, too.”
“I did a lot of thinking while we were apart.” He studied me closely, and I sensed he was about to drop a bomb on me. The silence hung like a frozen bullet, staring me down.
“Did you meet someone?” I blurted out.
He jerked his head back. “Jesus, no. Let me finish. There are so many things I love about you.”
“Thank you,” I said, still stunned.
“But I bring none of them out in you anymore.”
“That’s not—”
“It’s true,” he said. His eyes welled up. “I realized that if Gavin didn’t exist, we would still be right here... talking about why our marriage isn’t working.”
“Why do you think it’s not working, Lance?”
“Because we’re different.” I was waiting for him to cut me down, but he didn’t. “I feel like I forced you into this marriage. Like you’ve changed because of me.”
“You didn’t. And I didn’t. I mean, yes, I’ve changed, but we both have.”
“See, even now you can’t stand up for yourself. That wasn’t the Penny I married. The Penny I married was spontaneous... an artist. I feel like I’ve robbed you of that.”
“Ichoseto be with you,” I said. “You know that, right?”
“Penny, I brought you here because I wanted to tell you that I’m filing for divorce.”
I held my hand to my head. I was certain I was having a stroke. Lance didn’t blink; he just looked at me with sympathy, but I could tell from his eyes that his mind was made up.
What in the hell?
The room started spinning. Suddenly, I started to cry—huge, body-wracking sobs. He brought my hands to his mouth and kissed them. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I never meant to hurt you.”
I sobbed for minutes but it felt like hours. I was breathing hard, trying to comprehend it all, trying to see what my future would look like. Weekends swapping Milo. Me, alone in our huge house.
My heart was filled with grief for my failed marriage, for my uncertain future, but there was also an undeniable feeling of relief. He was letting me off the hook. He knew that if it were up to me, I would stay, just to keep our family intact. He was still kissing my hands.Did I even hear him correctly?
