“Oh no,” I said, like it would have been complete blasphemy, even though I’d wished he’d been there with me. “Of course not. Just my mom and Kiki. But I called Frank because I could feel the baby coming and knew he could get to me sooner. Gavin just happened to be in town.”
“Oh. Okay. I’ll be there soon, sweetie.”
Kiki started complaining about being hungry, so my mom said, “I’m gonna head down to the cafeteria. You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I smiled.
Frank followed them but Gavin stayed in the room, near the door. When the last nurse left the room, he shuffled toward me.
“Come here,” I said.
Gavin was silent, standing at the side of my bed, watching Milo nurse. He blinked rapidly, like his mind was on hyperdrive.
“What?” I said.
His mouth opened like he was going to say something, but he shut it and shook his head.
“Say something, Gavin.”
With his hands in his pockets, he bent to kiss my forehead. He let his lips linger there. I felt his body jerk a bit and then I felt moisture in my hair. He was crying.
“Gavin. Look at me.”
When he pulled back, there was so much pain on his face. It hurt me to look at him. Tears actually fell down his cheeks. He stood there, shaking his head.
“Please, you need to say something.”
He took a deep breath. “You’re so beautiful right now. Seeing you like this. I’m happy for you, I really am, but I gotta go, Penny. I can’t be here when Lance gets here.”
“Why?”
His silence was deafening. He took two more deep breaths and said, “Because he has everything I want.” He shrugged. “I gotta go.”
“Wait, you can’t leave. I want you to be the godfather. I already asked Lance if that was okay with him.”
He laughed in that hysterical way people do when they’ve been crying. “You’re not religious, Penny.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I guess I do. I can’t believe Lance is okay with it.”
“Well, it makes the most sense. Kiki’s going to be the godmother.”
“Are you saying I’m like a brother to you?” He was stroking Milo’s peach-fuzz-covered head.
“No, because it just makes the most sense.”
“I’d be honored, Penny,” he said, but his face was full of anguish.
“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to keep you close.”
“I know, but it hurts to be this close.” He bent and kissed the top of Milo’s head.
His face was inches from my breast, but I didn’t flinch. When he stood up straight, he wiped his eyes and attempted to collect himself. He laughed again.
“What?” I said.
“At the moment, I think I’m more jealous of Milo than Lance.”
