His mouth moves to my neck. He’s kissing and sucking and I’m moaning and moving and pressing myself against his hard stomach. I can feel his hand sneaking up the inside of my thigh, and I feel like I’m going to break apart into a thousand tiny shards of light. It’s been way too long. The hormone gang is already sated and passed out on my shoulder. It was enough for them but not for me.
He pauses, and then pushes my dress up and pulls it over my head. I’m sitting on top of him in a lacy bra and panties that leave nothing to the imagination. He takes me in. “Breathtaking,” he breathes. “I want you.”
I become resolute. Clothes are flying through the air. We are only slightly cautious of his leg. I lick his stomach and he laughs. He’s touching me everywhere and I can’t take much more. I grip his wrist and pull him away. He’s trying to read me. “Do you want to just cuddle naked? I can literally cuddle naked with your body until I die of old age.”
“Do you just want to cuddle naked?”
He looks down at his own body. “Does it look like it?”
I catch his eyes and find I can’t look away. I’ve wanted him so badly. This feels right. Finally, this is right.
I move closer and he’s saying things near my ear, but I can’t understand English anymore. I think I hear him say, “I’ve adored you since the moment I met you,” but I could be dreaming. This feels like a dream, anyway.
I’m moving, and his hands are everywhere—in my hair, on my hips, grasping my hands. I don’t want him to let go.
When I wake up, it’s the morning. For a moment I’ve forgotten what happened the night before, but then I remember. I sigh and catch myself, because I don’t yet know what any of it means. When I start to get dressed, Blake stirs.
“Can I get anything for you before I leave?” I ask.
“You’re leaving?” he says.
I nod. I don’t want to be presumptuous—what if this happened because we were both lonely? What if he doesn’t want to be with me after all?
“I have something to tell you. I have this—” I think he’s going to tell me he’s already seeing someone, or that he can’t do this because of Caroline. And I can’t hear that. It would hurt too much. So I interrupt.
“Don’t, Blake. Not right now. Last night was great. I needed that. I really did. Thank you.”
“You needed that? Thank you?” His eyes go wide. “Hayden—”
I get up and start to walk toward the stairs, pulling my dress on as I do.
“Hayden, I have a lot of work to do, but—”
“No need to explain, Blake. I just dropped in on you.”
Literally.
“No, wait,” he’s calling to me as I walk down the stairs. “Are you free Saturday?”
“I’m not sure. Call me.” I laugh. “You know that phone thing we use to communicate?”
When I’m at the bottom, I look up and see him standing at the top of the stairs, gloriously naked, looking vulnerable and wounded.
“Are you worried about what Caroline will think?” he asks.
I shrug. “Maybe a little.” Maybe a lot.
“Really? We deserve this,” he says with conviction.
“Do we?”
I turn to leave and he yells, “Don’t make plans Saturday. I need to show you something.”
I walk out the door, waving without turning around. If I turn around and meet his eyes, I’ll lose it.
This was a mistake.
Chapter 20
