“Let’s walk. I’ve had too much to drink.”
“Sure,” I say. I feel like crying. I’m so embarrassed. I wanted him to kiss me so badly.
Once we’re outside, he wraps his jacket around my shoulders. It smells like him. I want to keep it. I also want to know what the hell is going on. Are we falling for each other? Poor, sweet Caroline. I wonder if they named her after the Neil Diamond song. I think idly that there should be a song about an adulteress named Hayden. Neil Diamond should sing it in the same melody.
I feel a range of emotions. I’m also drunk.
Blake’s walking fast, but he’s holding my hand. Why is he holding my hand?
We get to my apartment door. “You okay, Hayden?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve been quiet.”
“So have you.”
“Let’s talk then,” he says.
I touch his bare arm. “How come you always cover these tattoos up when we’re around Caroline?”
He shrugs. “Just a habit, I guess.” He looks up to the sky. It’s beautiful and clear. There are a million stars out. He says quietly, “I miss my mom. I’ve been clinging on to the Cromptons. They’re the only family I have left.”
“I understand that.”
“I’m not in love with her anymore and she’s not in love with me.”
Whoa.
“You’re not?”
“It’s like I can’t let go. If I let go I’ll never get to go back to the house where I spent so much time with my mother. The months right before she died.”
“They’ll always be in your memories, Blake. I don’t think the Cromptons will push you away. I’m not trying to convince you to do anything rash, by any means. But I sense a disconnect between you and Caroline…romantically. You have to talk to her about it. Maybe you guys will remain friends.” It is really hard to talk this seriously about their relationship when I’m drunk and Blake’s scent is so intoxicating…
“I’m going to talk to her,” he says resolutely.
“Good,” I say.
He’s looking down at his feet. Fidgeting with his hands. He takes a deep breath, shoves his hands into his pockets, and looks up at me. “I wanted to kiss you back there. You know that, right?”
I nod. Why does this have to be so hard?
He shakes his head, making a frustrated sound. “I don’t cheat on Caroline.”
“I know you don’t!” I say, forcefully. “We just had too much to drink. It was stupid, and it’s late.”
“No. That’s not it. That’s not all of it, anyway.” He pulls his phone out and orders an Uber. “I’ll wait until you’re inside,” he says without looking at me.
“Okay, bye, I guess,” I say quietly.
He turns quickly and kisses me on the cheek in his normal Blake way, but his lips linger there for a second longer than usual.
“Bye,” he says. “Get some rest.”
I turn on my heel without another word and head into my building. This time when I watch him from the window he doesn’t look up. He just gets into the car and leaves. I climb up into my loft bed with my clothes still on and find myself crying softly. Why does it all have to be this hard? Why do I want the one man I can’t have?
Chapter 12
