“I’m okay. Better now that you’re wrapped around me. Hungry?” He reached behind me, grabbed a plate of toast and avocado, and handed it to me.
“Thank you,” I said.
There was some kind of resignation in his demeanor. I would have mistaken it for contentment had I not known how troubled he had been just days before.
“What are you thinking, Evey?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Always have. Always will,” he said.
“I was thinking that you seem different this morning.”
“How so?”
I frowned. “Defeated.”
He shook his head. “Not defeated. I’m not surrendering in the way you think I am. There’s no white flag here. I’m not going to apologize because I love someone. No one should be punished for giving love and getting it in return, even if others think it’s wrong. How can two able-minded adults loving each other ever be wrong? It makes no sense.”
I pecked his lips and smiled. “It’s never felt wrong to me.”
“I don’t know what’s happening, why I’m getting weaker and weaker. I don’t think I’m becoming a normal man at all. And if this is God’s way of punishing me because I love you, the person I was meant to love and protect, then I want nothing to do with him.”
“Can’t you talk to him?”
“I don’t think it works that way. Anyway, I’ve been talking to him for years. So have you. Look where that’s gotten us.”
It pained me to hear Lucian being so cynical. I felt my eyes welling up. “Please don’t be so negative. Anything is possible. Don’t lose faith.”
“You are good through and through, Evelyn Marie Casey. Even now when you’ve been put through so much. I’m not surprised. You’ve always been good, always cared for people.”
“You helped me become who I am.”
“I don’t know anymore if that’s true,” he said.
“You did.” My heart was breaking, one small crack at a time.
He smiled finally. “Well, let’s not dwell on it anymore. I’m tired of thinking about it all.”
“Me too.” I was relieved to see his mood change.
“Want to get out today and go do something? Maybe wine tasting?” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“Yes, please!” I opened my eyes wide.
“I’m gonna shower.”
“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m gonna eat my yummy toast,” I sang to him.
He walked away toward the bathroom. I watched the flexing muscles of his back, where once there had been beautiful wings. It all seemed impossible now. He was my husband. I smiled at the memory of the night before… his hands, his lips all over me.
Everything changed a moment later when I heard a loud crashing sound come from the bathroom. I ran and pushed the door open to find Lucian lying unconscious on the floor.
“No!” I got onto my knees and shook him, but he was limp. “Lucian! Wake up.”
He was wedged between the door and the tub, the water from the shower splashing onto his face. He seemed so fragile, like he could disappear right there in my arms.
I got up and ran for the phone. It felt like it took ten minutes for me to cross the loft and grab it, but it was probably two seconds. I dialed 9-1-1.
