“It seems like you know things, like inside things.”
“Well, I’ve been around longer than you have.”
I pointed from her chest to mine. “You’re older than me?”
“Duh.” She twirled around. “Look at me. I’m a way better version.”
I shook my head. “Whatever. I just need to know how I can be with her. Something is happening to me. I think I’m dying. Evey thinks maybe I’m becoming a human.”
For the first time in the twenty-five years I had known Abigail, I saw compassion in her eyes. “I wish I could help you. I really do. You can be with her if you take her out—that’s what I’ve heard. But there are consequences. I mean, do you realize what killing your own soul would mean? True blasphemy, sacrilege, all of that stuff.”
“Zack heard a story about an angel in Memphis who drowned her soul and now they’re together.”
She shook her head. “I’ve heard that story, but I doubt it’s all true. Anyway, why would you want her to become one of us now? Those new versions are a bit janky, you know?”
They really weren’t, but old angels, even me, liked to pretend that we were so much better. If Evey became one of us, she wouldn’t be herself anymore. Everything we’d shared would be gone. If I had been a normal man who had become an angel, I had no memory of my human life at all. She wouldn’t either.
“I wish I could get some answers. Mona knows nothing,” I said.
Abigail arched her thin eyebrows. “No one does.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. We’re just supposed to do the right thing and have faith that everything will work out.” She caressed my cheek with her thumb. I don’t know why I let her.
“That ship has sailed, Abigail. I haven’t been doing the right thing for a while now.”
She moved closer to me. “I’m sorry. I know you’re going through a lot.”
“I don’t know why it’s possible that I’m in love with Evey. There has to be a reason.”
“Maybe the booze is scrambling your brain.”
“I told you, I quit drinking.”
“Well, we’re different. I don’t understand how you can even be attracted to her. Humans smell gross, and they’re just not good-looking. They’re not like us. I think we can get you back, Lucian. I think I can remind you of what it’s like to be with one of us.”
She leaned up to kiss me, and I pushed her back. “No, stop! What are you doing?”
She scowled. “Geez, you really are fucked in the head.”
“Did I not make it clear? I’m in love with her. The crazy kind of love that you and I have seen over and over… in them, not us. It’s the rip-your-bleeding-heart-out-and-step-in-front-of-a-speeding-train kind of love. You know what I’m talking about.”
She huffed. “Jesus, dramatic much? Duh, Lucian, you feel that way about Evey because you’re built to protect her.”
“I doubt you feel this kind of love for Brooklyn.”
“Yes, I do. I was devastated when she got herpes.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean. I love Evey so much it’s selfish. I crave her touch. The way she looks at me… it’s not the same. I’ve been around long enough to know that.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say. You’re hopeless.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
After she left, I wandered the streets for the rest of magic hour and watched as angels scurried away from me like I was some kind of demon pariah. I went into a liquor store and stole a bottle of Scotch. The counter employee was human, so it was an easy grab. Back at Evey’s apartment, I sat on the floor of her bedroom and drank myself silly.
When she woke up, she spotted me in the corner. I was smiling and probably looking as stupid as I felt.
