I got up from the bed. “You saw me that night with Keith… or you saw me when youwereKeith. And when you were Brooklyn that day. And you saw me last night and this morning.”
“I did,” he said, smiling serenely.
“That night after the concert… I’m not usually like that. I—”
“I know you’re not, Evey. Come here.”
I slowly undressed myself, and then stood next to the bed and removed Lucian’s shirt and jeans. The whole time he watched me with an intensity I had never seen in a person. “You have full permission to look at me now,” I told him.
“I’m literally dying to,” he said, and it was as though a needle had gone coasting across the face of a record. He had put emphasis on the wordliterally.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he whispered. “Come here.”
“Are you being funny, or are you actually dying? Are you dying so that you can be with me? Is that the sacrifice?” Tears came rushing to my eyes. I was naked and vulnerable, confused and hurting. I had only just met him, but I had known him my whole life. There was so much comfort in being with a person who already knew all of my flaws, but his confession made me feel something I hadn’t felt with him—fear. “Answer me.”
“I don’t know for sure,” he replied.
“I’ll cut my wrists.” I had never said anything like that to anyone. I had never had a suicidal thought.
His eyes went wide. “Stop it, Evey! Don’t say that. Anyway, there are better ways to go.” He tried to make light of it. Tears went running down my cheeks. He pulled me onto the bed and held me. That familiar sensation of feeling safe and loved coursed through me. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t funny,” he said.
I started to cry full, quiet sobs. “I can’t live without you.”
“You just met me. I’m a terrible drunk. I’m a jerk. I’m a womanizer.”
“That’s not going to work on me. I know what you’re trying to do,” I told him in a strong voice. “You have to take me. You have to take my life.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. Would I really die for him? I guess I trusted I would be with him if I did.
He stood and covered me with the blanket. “Don’t move. I need to do something.”
“Don’t leave. You said you wouldn’t leave.”
He stood in the middle of the room and looked up at the ceiling. “God, do you see this? God, do you see what’s happening to Evey?” Lucian still focused on the ceiling, nodded as though someone was talking to him. “I know she’s out of her mind. She doesn’t realize it won’t work. I know, God. I have to leave her alone. I know what I have to do.”
“You’re a liar!” I got up, held the blanket to my body and pointed at him. “You’re lying. You said you don’t talk to him and he doesn’t talk to you.”
“Evey, please calm down.” He was sweating. I’d never seen him sweat.
“I thinkyouneed to calm down.” He swayed and gripped the table next to him to steady himself. “Lie down with me, Lucian. You don’t look well.”
“I can’t handle you talking the way you were talking.”
I saw the fear in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,” I told him.
He stumbled back to the bed and pulled me down with him. We wrapped ourselves around one another, legs and arms and mouths. I didn’t know anymore where I ended and he began. We were lost in each other. The truth of what was happening was too much for us to think about. All we could do was try to comfort one another.
We dozed off at four in the afternoon. Around six, I got up and left a sleeping Lucian, so I could go into the kitchen and make lunch for us. When I came back with a turkey sandwich on a plate, he groggily opened his eyes and smiled.
I held out the plate. “Hungry?”
He eyed the sandwich for a moment before slowly taking the plate from my hands. “Thank you, Evelyn.” He wasn’t used to someone taking care of him.
“How are you feeling?”
“A lot better. I guess after a couple of thousand years, I was due for a little nap.”
“Are we going to talk about what happened earlier?” I said.
