“Look at me,” Troy said. His eyes were still locked on mine and the intensity in them made my breath catch.
I was looking. I hadn't stopped looking. I couldn't have looked away if my life depended on it.
Troy's mouth fell open wider and his back arched off the wall. His whole body went rigid for a long moment and then he was coming, his cock pulsing in Ronan's mouth while sounds tore out of him that were raw and uncontrolled and absolutely wrecked.
Ronan kept sucking through it, swallowing everything Troy gave him, one hand still stroking at the base while the other pressed firmly behind his balls to draw it out. Troy's hand fisted tighter in Ronan's hair and his hips jerked up one more time before he collapsed back against the wall, gasping.
And I came without warning.
My cock pulsed under the towel, come flooding out in waves that soaked through the fabric. I gripped the bench beside me hard enough to hurt and kept my face neutral, tried to keep my breathing steady, tried to pretend this wasn't happening.
But my body betrayed me. My hips shifted forward involuntarily. My jaw clenched. And I knew from the way Troy was staring at me that he'd seen exactly what had just happened.
Ronan sat back and wiped his mouth, looking pleased with himself. “That was good.”
Troy didn't respond to him. He was still staring at me with an expression I couldn't read.
I stood up before either of them could say anything. I grabbed my towel and water and headed for the door without a word.
I walked out of the sauna and straight to the showers, turned on the cold water, and stood under the spray until I could breathe again.
What the fuck had just happened.
I'd just come untouched from watching Troy get sucked off by a stranger. Hadn't touched myself once. Just watched and felt and lost control in a way I hadn't lost control in years.
The water was freezing but it wasn't doing anything to clear my head. I could still see Troy's face. Could still hear the sound he'd made when he came. Could still feel the phantom sensation of my own orgasm ripping through me without permission.
I turned the water hotter and scrubbed myself clean with more force than necessary. Trying to wash away the evidence of what had just happened. Trying to reset to before I'd walked into that sauna and watched Troy spread his legs for someone else.
But I couldn't reset. Couldn't go back. Couldn't pretend this hadn't changed everything.
When I finally emerged and got dressed, the gym was quiet. I didn't check if Troy was still around. I just grabbed my bag and headed for the exit.
FOURTEEN
WHAT HE HID
TROY
Istood at my bedroom window watching Declan's truck pull out of the driveway.
He'd been doing this for days. Disappearing after dinner. Coming home late. Never explaining where he'd been.
And I'd been pretending not to notice while trying to convince myself I didn't care.
Except I did care. And that was the problem.
That's why I'd let Rafael fuck me. Why I'd put on the lace I'd bought at that overpriced boutique and let him bend me over my bed and use me until I couldn't think about anything except the immediate physicality of it.
It was supposed to prove a point. Supposed to show me that what I felt in Declan's kitchen when his hands were on my skin was just proximity and loneliness and six years of unresolvedbullshit. That any attractive man could make me feel that way. That Declan wasn't special.
Except Rafael's hands on me had felt wrong. His mouth on my neck had felt like a placeholder. His cock inside me had felt like a distraction instead of a solution, like I was using him to fuck away a problem that lived too deep to reach with just mechanics.
The whole time he'd been fucking me, I'd been thinking about someone else. Someone I had no business wanting. Someone whose touch I could still feel days later like a brand I couldn't scrub off.
Sleeping with Rafael had been a disaster. Had proven exactly the opposite of what I'd wanted it to prove. Had shown me that want without truth behind it felt like going through the motions with a stranger, even when that stranger was good at what he did, even when my body responded the way it was supposed to, even when I came hard enough to see stars.
Because afterward I'd still been thinking about Declan. Had still wanted the wrong person. Had still felt empty in a way that had nothing to do with being physically satisfied.
