“None of this would have happened if you'd stayed gone.” The words were pouring out now and I couldn't stop them or control what came out or how it landed. “If you'd just stayed away, Rafael wouldn't have had a reason to come after us. My house wouldn't have bullet holes. My truck wouldn't be totaled. I wouldn't be standing here with wrecked hands trying to figureout which parts of my life are real and which parts were just setup for his fucked up revenge plan.”
Troy didn't respond. He just kept holding me while I emptied out everything ugly I'd been carrying.
“You came back here and brought chaos with you. Brought danger and violence and men with guns who don't care who gets caught in the crossfire. And I let you stay because I'm an idiot who can't separate what I want from what's smart.”
My voice cracked. Tears were running down my face now and I couldn't stop them either.
“I should have made you leave. Should have told you to go the second I realized what I was starting to feel. Should have protected both of us by keeping distance instead of—” I broke off and choked on words that felt like confessing to crimes. “Instead of this. Instead of letting it get complicated. Instead of falling for you when I know better.”
Troy's grip loosened slightly. His breath was warm against the back of my neck. “You done?”
“I don't know.” The tears were coming faster now. “Maybe. I don't fucking know anymore.”
“Okay.” His voice was steady and calm, like he was absorbing everything I'd thrown at him without throwing any of it back. “Then I'm going to ask you something and I need you to answer honestly.”
I nodded and couldn't speak.
“Do you want me to leave?” Troy asked. “Do you want me to pack my shit and go back to London and end this before it gets any messier?”
The question cut through everything else and made the world narrow down to just that single choice. Distance or closeness. Safety or risk. Protecting myself or choosing him.
I turned in his arms and faced him. I let him see my face covered in tears and sweat and blood that had transferred from my hands to his shirt.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” My voice came out rough and wrecked. “Are you actually asking me that?”
Troy's expression didn't change. “I'm asking.”
“No.” The word came out fierce and absolute. “No, I don't want you to leave. That's the last thing I want. That's the whole problem, Troy. I don't want you gone even though having you here scares the shit out of me, even though everything about this is complicated and dangerous and probably going to end badly.”
I grabbed his face and held him there while more tears ran down my cheeks and my split knuckles left blood on his jaw.
“I'm overwhelmed,” I said. “I'm fucking drowning in how much has changed and how fast and I don't know how to carry all of it at once. But losing you?” I shook my head. “That would destroy me worse than any of this. So no. Don't leave. Don't even think about leaving.”
Troy searched my face, looking for lies or doubts or anything that would give him permission to make the decision for me.
He wouldn't find them. Because as terrified as I was, as angry and hurt and lost as I felt, the one clear certainty I had was that I needed him here and I needed him close. I needed whatever this was between us even if it killed me.
“Okay,” Troy said quietly. “Then I'm staying.”
Relief crashed through me hard enough to make my knees weak. I leaned my forehead against his and breathed him in and let myself have this moment of contact while the rest of the world felt like it was falling apart.
“I'm sorry,” I said.
“I know.”
“And I'm sorry for falling apart on you like this. For not being stronger or more together or?—”
“Declan.” Troy pulled back enough to look at me. “Shut up.”
Then he kissed me.
It wasn't gentle or soft or careful or any of the things a kiss probably should be when both people are crying and one of them has just unloaded years of pain.
It was desperate and hungry, the kiss that tasted like grief and relief and the terrible certainty that we were choosing each other even when logic said we shouldn't.
I kissed him back just as hard and poured everything I couldn't say into the press of my mouth against his. Every apology. Every fear. Every fierce and stubborn feeling that refused to be logical about what was smart or safe.
Troy's hands went to my waist and gripped hard enough to hurt in the best way. He pulled me closer until there was no space between us.
