We headed inside. Luka was at the kitchen counter, staring at Declan's coffee machine like it had personally insulted him. Dmitri was watching from the dining table with a grin.
“It's broken,” Dmitri said helpfully.
“It's not broken.” Luka pressed another button. The machine beeped at him. “It's unnecessarily complicated.”
“You run international operations,” I said, “but you can't figure out a coffee maker.”
“This is not a coffee maker. This is a torture device disguised as an appliance.” He pressed another button. Water started dripping but no coffee came out. “Who needs this many settings for one beverage?”
“Americans,” Dmitri said. “They make everything complicated. In Russia we have a kettle and instant coffee. Very simple.”
“That's because Russian coffee tastes like dirt,” Ash said.
“It builds character.” Dmitri leaned back in his chair. “Makes you appreciate the good stuff when you finally get it.”
Luka glared at the machine and pressed what looked like the grind button. It made a horrible grinding noise. “I hate this thing.”
“Want me to do it?” I asked.
“No. I'll figure this out.” He studied the display like it was coded intelligence. “There has to be a logical sequence.”
“It's coffee. Not cryptography.”
“Difficulty level should be the same.” He pressed another combination of buttons. The machine beeped three times and shut off completely. “Fuck this thing.”
Dmitri laughed. “Official. Luka Markovic has been defeated by a kitchen appliance. I'm putting this in the report.”
“You're not putting anything in any report.” Luka unplugged the machine. Plugged it back in. It powered on with a cheerful beep. “There. Reset.”
“There's a manual,” Ash said.
“I don't need a manual.”
“Clearly you do.”
“I can figure this out on my own.” Luka pressed the power button, then the brew button, then the strength selector. The machine whirred to life and started grinding the beans. Hot water began dripping through. “See? Logical sequence.”
“Only took you ten minutes,” I said.
“Speed is overrated. Victory is what matters.” He watched the coffee drip into the pot with obvious satisfaction.
Dmitri shook his head. “You're a ridiculous man.”
“I prefer determined.” Luka pulled a mug from the cabinet and poured himself coffee once it finished. Took a sip. Made a face. “This tastes terrible.”
“Because you did it wrong,” I said.
“I followed the logical sequence.”
“The logical sequence makes bad coffee.” I grabbed the pot from him and dumped it. Started over with the right settings.“You have to use the right grind size. Right water temperature. Right brew time.”
“That's too many variables for a morning beverage.”
“That's why Declan has it programmed. You just hit the preset button.”
Luka stared at the machine. “There's a preset button?”
“Right there.” I pointed to it.
