“Little Noah, who’s not so little anymore. You’re the favorite. The peacekeeper, the mediator. The one who smooths over disagreements because you can’t stand friction. I’m the bad guy. The one who keeps our parents secrets and holds the burdens of their choices. But Ava? Ava is the avoider. She’d rather ignore her problems than deal with them.”
Ava exhaled the smoke she held longer than she should have, breaking into a choking cough in the aftermath of Lucas’ assessment. It saved her from responding right away to the stinging insight. He wasn’t wrong.
She passed the joint to Noah, avoiding both their gazes and drinking her coffee to soothe the scratchiness in her throat.
“Ava?” Noah asked cautiously.
She looked at Noah’s face, scrunched with concern. His hair sticking in every direction made him look even younger than he was. The joint lay dangling from his fingertips, the smoke curling upward from the ashen end. She turned to look at Lucas. His face was a careful mask of neutrality. He lifted an eyebrow at her.
She sighed in defeat. “Lucas is right. He’s an asshole, but he’s right. About all of us.”
The siblings sat in silence; the only sound was the deep inhale of Noah taking another drag. Lucas surprised her by speaking first.
“That’s why I came,” he said. “You never ask for help. So, when you finally did, I knew it was important. I knew you were ready to stop avoiding and face something big.”
The backs of Ava’s eyes stung from the unexpected admission. She hid behind her cup of coffee to avoid showing him how his words affected her. She accepted the joint one last time. “Thanks,” she whispered to Lucas.
He nodded once in acknowledgement.
She inhaled again, then cleared her throat after in resolve of what she would tell them next. The weed loosened her tongue and her mind. She needed to tell someone about what happened with Owen, since she couldn’t tell Summer.
“While on the topic of honesty. I had sex with Owen last night,” she said in a rush.
There was a beat of silence as they digested what she shared.
“Ugh, fucking gross,” Lucas scoffed.
“I’m glad you feel comfortable sharing, but, yeah, I second Lucas.” Noah’s face scrunched in discomfort.
“I had to tell someone. I can’t tell Summer. It’s her brother.”
“And we’reyourbrothers. We don’t want to hear that shit either,” Lucas said.
Noah was quiet as he took the last hit off the joint and stubbed it out on the concrete porch floor. “How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t know,” she confessed.
“You obviously feel something, otherwise you wouldn’t have told us,” Noah pointed out.
“Are we really doing this right now? Since when do we discuss our feelings?” Lucas said, looking at Noah and Ava.
“You just said Ava isn’t honest and I avoid confrontation. Why point out our flaws if none of us are going to do anything about them?” Noah challenged their older brother. He turned back to Ava. “Answer the question. Honestly. How do you feel?”
Ava thought for a moment, allowing herself to drop the barrier she’d constructed around her heart to let the feelings flow. Confusion, grief, excitement, uncertainty—it all warred within her. She settled on the easiest to explain.
“I’m confused,” she confessed. “It was like muscle memory took over; it was so easy in the moment to forget why it was a bad idea. But I don't know if it changes anything. He has a kid; I have to get back to my job. I’m interviewing for the board position in August. Being in Cedar Falls is temporary.”
“What if it wasn't temporary?”
Ava looked at Noah. She could feel the pinch of her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
Noah put his hands behind his head and leaned back, relaxing into the chair as the weed settled in his system. “Board appointments aren’t full-time gigs. And you have the money from Dad's life insurance, which we all still need to talk about some more.” He glanced between Lucas and Ava, both of them nodding in assent before he continued. “And I saw you two in the kitchen the other night, Ava.” He shot her an amused smile.
“No clue what you're talking about,” Ava deflected.
“What's this now?” Lucas interjected.
Noah's smile grew wider. “At the fire the other night, I walked in on Owen and Ava about to kiss in the kitchen. I didn't say anything, didn't want to embarrass you. But then you two were flirting at the café yesterday and it all clicked…” he trailed off.
