I’mnot.
I need more time with her, but first, I need answers of my own. When she’s ready to listen, I want to know what to say. I truly didn’t want to interfere, didn’t want to scare my mate after that broken message board fiasco, but I can’t give up now. I refuse to. Not when she’s so close to finding me.
Once I’m outside again, I press the heel of my palm over my heart and close my eyes, envisioning my destination like I’ve done a hundred times before. I normally don’t make any trips back to Nivea midseason, but I can’t wait until winter’s end. I need to figure out how to reach Jolie without punishment or come to terms with denying myself. Solstice draws closer with each passing day, and I already can’t get her out of my head. Something tells me that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our bond and this desperate call to claim her.
Loveher.
I don’t know how it’s possible to have someone make you feel alive when you haven’t even spoken a word to them, but that’s what she does.
She’s become my heartbeat. The only one I have now. She pulses with a certainty that is etched into my skin and sinks deep into my bones. If she were to claim me as hers, as I long to claim her as mine, the world itself would come to life, full of color and possibility.
With each frantic step down the long, winding staircase that leads toward our city, my resolve solidifies. When I reach the landing, ice coating the ground in all directions, I summon my skates, gliding over the whirls of tracks spinning through Nivea’s frozen streets.
“What are you doing here?” Aneira asks, popping into view and giving me a quick glance up and down. “You’re not due back for another…” her periwinkle eyes dart up to the dial beaming down from the icy tower in the center of town, ticking off thetimeframe on her fingers before lifting a hand in front of my face, “four weeks, if Fate’s little pet isn’t so lazy this year.”
I ignore the thick divot carved into the icy timer signifying solstice and the shift change. The time when I’m meant to be claiming my mate, filling her full of pleasure, of me, before we go into blissful hibernation together.
“Well?” Aneira crosses her arms, brows lifted.
Her question has already slipped my mind.
“What are you doing here, Jax?”
Oh, that’s what it was.
“I think you know why I’m here, Ani.”
Aneira is one of the hardest working Frosts. She only works every other winter with me, though. A few spots in the world need tending to on the off seasons and she volunteered for it. Now she’s taking this winter off to replenish her powers. If she didn’t need the rest, she wouldn’t. Her frost marks curl around her neck, swirling partially down one arm. The other shoulder, the one that’s bare, is covered by thick waves of platinum hair. She always styles it that way, and I can’t help but wonder if that will change once her marks begin to feather over there.
I’m looking forward to spending my next winter with her in the mortal world. I always enjoy her company, and she’s so set to prove herself that I never have to pull her weight like I do with some of the others.
Speaking of… Crispin, her mate and one of the laziest Frosts of the family, makes his way over, powerful legs pushing against the ice, hips twisting sharply to break. Tiny flecks of frost kick up from his blades. He loops his arms around Aneira, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
He’s incredibly handsome and, therefore, most of the unmated Frosts have happily picked up his slack in prior seasons, influenced by his charm. I’d be lying if I didn’t say he’d won me over a time or two. But now that he and Aneira haveclaimed each other, I doubt he’ll be getting the same assistance. Not that it really matters, Aneira is happy to help her mate.
Mate.
A divine blessing and my greatest curse all wrapped up in one four-letter word.
I groan internally thinking about spending my next winter with them, watching them together while my chest continues to fissure over a mortal I can’t be with.
“I know you’re struggling without your mate being here, but you know the rules,” Aneira says before biting her lip. “She’s not meant to be with you. Not yet.”
Not meant to be with you.
How is that possible? The very nature of mates ismeant to be. Ordained by Fate’s very capable hand.
“Then why do I have this mark? Why do I feel like I’m being torn from the inside every minute I’m away from her?” My voice shakes the icicles hanging around the awnings. A storm simmers beneath my skin, becoming more frantic the farther I am from her. “Everything is telling me that I need to stay close. That I need this bond like I need the breeze.”
Crispin gives me a pitying look and places his hand on my shoulder. “I know it must be difficult.”
“Do you?” I swat his hand away and skate back a few paces. “Because your mate is always within reach,” I say, tracing over my mark. “There’s nothing preventing her from taking you in her arms, from talking to you. Jolie won’t even listen to me when I try… Not without—”
I think back to the worried furrow of her brow. The way her fingers shook as she contacted her therapist, begging to be seen.
“What did you do, Jax?” Aneira asks, gliding toward me, but I skate out of reach, lifting my hands up to warn her and her mate to keep their distance.
“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” I mutter.She just thought she was crazy.
