“So are you and Devon—” Aadesh begins, too casually.
“No,” I say quickly. “Not at all.” I pause. “Are you and Devon?” Because if Devon is lying to me about backing off his hold on them—
Aadesh shakes his head. “We’re just friends. But he’s one of those people you just click with, you know?” he muses, more to himself than me. I wonder if he hears the tiny bit of wistfulness in his voice.
But it seems as though Devon was telling the truth about reducing his influence on them.
I tap out to Carter:Hey, with a friend. I’ll catch up with you back at your place later. xJo
I immediately regret the “x” as soon as I hit send, but too late now.
“Thanks.” I hold Aadesh’s phone out to him, but before he can take it, Carter’s number flashes on the screen and the phone begins vibrating in my hand.
I’m sure it’s my imagination, but the buzzing feels more insistent than I would expect, as if it’s conveying Carter’s intensity.
Aadesh and I both look at the phone, like it’s a used tissue that neither one of us wants to address.
“Are you going to answer that?” Aadesh asks.
Fuuuuck.I take the phone back. “Hey.” I tuck my chin down, keeping my voice low.
“Where are you?” Carter’s voice is hushed, too. He must still be at Dr. Stephens’s office, given the murmur of conversation in the background. “I thought you were going to stay in my apartment.”
I move away from Aadesh. “I had a couple things I needed to do, bumped into a friend.”
“You went looking for him by yourself, didn’t you? The guy from Happy’s.” Carter doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Damnit, Jocasta. It’s dangerous. You don’t know him. He was one of the last people to talk to Lennie when she was alive.”
So were Daan and I. And then whoever got her to Branwick. I flinch at the thought.
“I’m okay,” I say gently. “I’m still on campus. I’ll be back to your place later, when—”
A shriek, like a toddler mid-meltdown, carries prominentlythrough from Carter’s end. I frown. Dr. Stephens’s children are in high school. Who is over there?
Or, maybe the better question is… where is Carter? My stomach descends into free fall. Does the new girl have a child?
“Jocasta, please.” Carter’s voice is taut with tension. “Please just tell me where you are. I’ll come to get you.”
Irritation flicks to life in me. Yes, he’s two years older, a grad student, and something of a former authority figure in my life while also my covert closet hookup, but he is not the boss of me. “Carter, I’m not your responsibility,” I point out. “I appreciate your help this morning. I do. But we’re just friends.”If that,I want to add, but I’m trying to end this conversation, not add rocket fuel to it.
“And I’m trying to be your friend by keeping you safe against your own worst judgment,” Carter says sharply. “You’re already in trouble with the police, and—”
I laugh but it’s more out of disbelief than actual amusement. My own worst judgment? At the moment, since that apparently terrible judgment includes listening to him, yeah, I agree.
This conversation is so over.
I hang up and hand the phone back over to Aadesh. “If it rings again—”
“Oh, trust me, I’m not getting in the middle of whatever that was,” Aadesh says quickly.
“Thanks, Desh.”
He gives me a salute and, with one last frowning look around the porch, heads back inside.
Leaving me to steam on my own about Carter. I pace the length of the wooden porch again, this time my fury keeping me warm.
What the actual fuck? I realize he has no idea what’s reallygoing on, and yes, okay from his normal human perspective, what I’m doing probably does seem a little, well, crazy. But can’t he just believe in me, believe that I’m doing what I have to do?
No. Because he doesn’t really know you. And he never can.
