In spite of our earlier moment, where it seemed like everything had returned to normal, he’s back to that cool, slightly-more-than-professional distance. And I hate it.
I can’t blame him, but this time, blame it on restlessness or not-quite-spent adrenaline, I can’t ignore it any longer. I have to try to fix this. “Kane, may I speak to you for a moment? Alone?”
Voller groans.
I’m aware of Lourdes watching with interest, as Kane pushes to his feet.
“Sure,” he says evenly.
Folding my arms across my chest, I turn and hurry off the bridge, down the starboard corridor. He follows at a slightly slower pace.
When I reach a distance at which it seems reasonable that everyone on the bridge can’t hear us, I stop and face him.
He watches me warily as he approaches, and the heated, cringeyfeeling in my chest makes me want to avoid his gaze. But I make myself keep my head up.
“I’m sorry, I fucked up,” I say, my hands clenching into fists. “I shouldn’t have… kissed you. That was wrong, especially as your TL.” Just the reminder of that—in my mind, we’re equals, but in all other ways, including legally and officially, I’m his boss—makes me long to find the nearest dark hole and reside there.I thought I was a better person than this.Apparently not.
He’s watching me, his head cocked to the side. “Claire,” he begins. “What are you—”
“You should file a complaint as soon as we’re done here.” Once, you know, we’re done essentially blackmailing our employer.Good, Claire. Fantastic.“And I know it’s wrong to ask this of you, but right now, I can’t have you taking double shifts to avoid me. I need you to be on my side.” My voice is trembling, and I despise myself all over again. For the sign of weakness, for what I’m asking of him after what I did.
He has every right to walk away without another word, or shout at me.
Kane huffs out an exasperated breath, shaking his head. “You know, I tried to get you to talk to me,” he points out.
My face flushes. I don’t know what to do with that response.
“If you’d have let me explain,” he says, moving closer, “I would have told you that you just surprised me.”
That’s not exactly a good thing, is it?
“And I’m not avoiding you. I was trying to give you the space you seemed to want,” he says. He gives me a knowing look. “You’re not exactly easy to figure out sometimes, Claire Kovalik.”
No surprise there, though Kane always seems to have a better feel for what I’m thinking than anyone else, including me at times.
I shift uneasily. I’m still not sure where this is headed. “I don’t want you to pity me, either.”
He tugs gently at a strand of hair that’s come free from my scraped-together ponytail, tucking it behind my ear. “If you thinkthis is pity, then we probably do need to have a larger conversation right now.” His mouth quirks upward as he leans closer.
My heart is beating way too fast. Is this happening?
His mouth hovers above mine, those bright blue eyes tired but filled with warmth. His nose nudges my cheek, and I tilt my chin instinctively. My hands fly up to clutch at his shoulders as if for balance, the softness of his T-shirt molding around my grasping fingers.
But before his lips can touch mine, a sharp intake of breath sounds behind us. “Oh, sorry!” Lourdes’s voice comes out loud, too loud.
Flinching, I step back from Kane immediately as Lourdes backpedals, turning away from us. He’s slower to let me go, his hands lingering in midair, as if I might return to him, before falling to his sides.
I clear my throat. “What’s up, Lourdes?”
She turns around cautiously, her gaze bouncing between Kane and me. I can feel her wanting to talk about it, sense the anxious fluttering cartoon hearts hovering over her head like a speech bubble.
I beam as muchdon’t even think about itas I can in my return look.
“Um, Nysus found something he wants you to see,” she says, grinning at us. It’s taking everything she has not to say something.
“All right. We’ll be right there,” I say.
She nods and turns to head back.
