I yank away from Kane, scrambling for words, something, anything to make this moment end. “I… um, glad that’s settled and we’re on the same page. Let me know if you and Voller have any questions about prep.”
“Claire, wait,” he says, his forehead furrowed with concern.
“I’ll see you later.” I push past him to the corridor and blessed escape, the flush in my cheeks pulsing in time with my heartbeat.What the hell is wrong with me?
Definitely not the first occasion I’ve had to ask myself that question. Probably won’t be the last, either.
12
The second trip through theAurora,however disturbing, should have been less alarming, simply for its familiarity. The mobile of the dead floats on in the atrium. The smeary message in blood is unchanged—I expect the one on the Platinum Level remains unreadable—and no new ones have appeared that I can see.
The only difference—a sign of our presence—is simply dust from the wood putty and splinters from where we pulled the statues free. It floats like a cloud of tiny confetti at the top and bottom of the stairs.
And yet, the weighted feeling of dread has not abated in the least. If anything, it’s worse. What was once an uncomfortable tightness in my chest is now a booted foot standing on my breastbone, heavy heel digging in. The silence around us feels expectant, as if we’re performers in front of an unseen—but curious and impatient—audience. My skin crawls with the sensation of being watched, and my head feels tight, like my skull is being squeezed in a vise.
It’s in your mind, Claire. Stress and bad memories. That’s all. Get over it.
It doesn’t help, of course, that Kane is right behind me and Voller, bringing up the rear. Kane hasn’t said anything yet, but I canfeelhim wanting to.
Once we reach the spiral staircase in the atrium, Voller bounds ahead, up the side, just as we did before.
“Remember, check the air quality and engine function for the main diag, and see if you can find the ship’s log,” I say to Voller over the open comm channel in my helmet. If the air is contaminated in here or the engines aren’t capable of propulsion, then game over. The log, if we can find it, may contain helpful information on whathappened. “Then the lifeboat systems, and tell me before you start on those.” I have work to do before the separate gravity generator and environmentals system associated with the Versailles Contingency can be tested.
“Yeah, I got it, TL.”
“And if you can get the lights on, all the better.”
Voller raises a gloved hand in acknowledgment or dismissal as he pulls himself along the wall before disappearing around the corner on the Platinum Level.
“Behrens, you go, too,” I say, beginning my ascent. “I want your take on the engines before we commit to anything.” I sound calm, efficient, just a team leader giving direction. Nothing to see here. Avoiding Kane entirely would have been easier, but it’s not an option right now.
And it really won’t be an option if we seal ourselves into this ship. Then we’ll be out of routine, out of our familiar roles. I won’t technically even be the team leader anymore, and the thought of operating without that familiar and comforting cloak of authority, the boundary that can’t be crossed, the necessary distance between the others and me, makes me feel exposed and shaky.
“I can still hear you, you know that, right?” Voller asks. “I don’t need help with the engines.”
“Negative, TL,” Kane says after a moment. “This is too much for one person.”
I freeze, my grip tightening on the stairway railing. “Too much for one person or too much forme?” The words roll out cold and hard before I can stop them.Poor Claire, Child #1, a survivor and brave, but pitiable.“I can handle it,” I say through clenched teeth, which sounds oh so convincing.
A beat of silence holds on the open comm channel.
“This is fun. I’m uncomfortable,” Voller announces.
“Shut up, Voller,” Lourdes whispers from back on the LINA where she and Nysus are still working.
“The search will be faster and more thorough if we’re both on it,” Kane says evenly, as if he completely missed the byplay betweenVoller and Lourdes. “We can start at one end, work our way up portside and down the starboard, so we don’t miss anything. Then I can check on the engines, make sure we’re good to go.”
I don’t need a babysitter.It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I stop myself. Because I don’t want to raise more questions than this conversation already has. Voller, Lourdes, and Nysus don’t know about my past, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.
“Fine.” I pull myself up the rest of the way on the stairwell without waiting for a response. At the top of the stairs, I push off toward the corridor on the left.
The first suite is just inside, and I catch myself on the doorframe.
“Twenty-four suites in the forward section on the Platinum Level. Each with a sitting area and a private bath,” Nysus says helpfully in my ear. “Twelve on portside, where you are. Twelve on starboard. Once the bulkheads are sealed, going past the bridge will be the only way from one side to the other. Oh, and there’s an emergency crew bunk room across from the bridge.”
I try to picture what he’s talking about. I hadn’t noticed another door near the bridge. But I’d been distracted by Linden Gerard and Cage Wallace at the time.
“Records of who booked what suite were—and still are—confidential. So I don’t know what you’re going to find,” Nysus adds grimly.
