My hands are red and painful by the time we’re finished burying the cook, but I barely noticed, lost in my thoughts.
Julian and I both blow into our hands. Eyo’s body is undisturbed, so we are done here.
“Let’s get back inside,” I say.
“Wait.” He walks two steps closer to me. “Whydidn’t you tell me where you put the cook?”
I glance at the snow mounds. “We can have this conversation inside.”
Now that we’ve stopped moving, the cold seeps into my bones. I put my suit jacket on when I was searching the tower, but I’m not in furs, and Jules is in nightclothes and boots.
Julian shakes his head and folds his arms, remaining in place. “I’d rather have it here and now. Do you not trust me?”
Before the conclave, my answer might have been different, but too much suspicion has been cast on everyone here. I have to keep my thoughts to myself, as toppling an elite is a nearly impossible task. I don’t need to worry about anyone else breaking under pressure.
“I don’t trust anyone.”
Julian flinches, and then his eyes search mine. “We’ve been through a lot for you to say something like that. Too much for you to mean it—and yet you do.”
“Jules…” I don’t know what to say because he’s right, but this isn’t about me or my friendships. “I trust you with my life, but my investigation, this role, has to come before anything else—even you. I am impartial and unfeeling because I have to be. Because the republic is more important than my individual feelings or allegiances.”
“No, youchooseto be unfeeling.” He points to the two bodies buried in snow. “Because this is the republic, Torren—the scheming, the bloody grabs for power, the corruption, extortion, and violence, the lechery and selfish desires, all of it. This is what you’re defending. This is what you’re putting first.”
It’s a treasonous insult to Pryor and one I never thought he’d utter. The worst thing is that he means it.
I straighten my spine. “Say that again?”
Julian sighs, and his shoulders slump. “Let’s go. We can have this fight somewhere with a fireplace and brandy.”
He walks away, and as he goes, I realize that I need to settle this in my mind once and for all. I’ve already aligned with Kera. Can I fully trust Julian, enough to work with him?
My stomach turns at the thought of him betraying everything we hold dear. As different as we are, we became friends because we have the same values. As young men, we both bled and killed for this republic. He has literally fought at my side in the wilderness. Would he ever turn traitor?
No, it’s not possible.
I know for a fact that killing a man stains his soul. He couldn’t sleep after he killed, even in defending this republic, and when I asked why, he said it was because the men he hurt haunt his nightmares. He couldn’t shake murder even when it was in self-defense.
And he’s been sleeping just fine despite three murders.
I hurry after Jules and find him outside by the kitchen door. My breath makes fog in the air as I come to a stop.
“I don’t think you killed him,” I say. “The cook…or any of them.”
A line forms on his forehead as Julian stares at me. “Well, at least there’s that, I guess.”
He rubs his arms, holding himself tightly. Then he stomps his feet to warm them.
“Why are you still out here?” I ask.
“The door is locked.”
“That’s not possible.”
He raises his eyebrows. “I beg to differ.”
I try the handle, and the door doesn’t budge. Itislocked, but these doors don’t lock on their own. Luckily, I have the skeleton key in my pocket.
I put it in and the lock turns. I push the door, but it doesn’t open.
