Mine…wasn’t.
Mama was charming, and I loved her completely. I missed her for so many years, and all I’d ever wanted was to have one of her perfumed hugs again. But just because you love someone, especially as a child, doesn’t mean they’re perfect or even good. I’d managed to overlook the bad. Like how she used to call me a “little unloved girl” when I was young. That she’d want me out of sight any time she found a man she liked. That she didn’t mourn me after she thought I’d died.
Over the years, I created a perfect mother, cobbling together select good moments. And that is who I remember—the charismatic beauty striving for a better life for us. But there were more bad memories than good.
I duck under a tree branch as we continue up the mountain.
To some extent, she blamed me for being born female. Then again, to some extent, every girl in Yusan is cursed. It wasn’t until I got to Khitan that I realized it’s not the same everywhere. And it wasn’t until Sora—how she cares about her sister and how she cares for me—that I realized I shouldn’t have been made to feel bad for my birth. You can only lie to yourself about being loved for as long as you don’t know what real love feels like.
Royo would rather not love anyone, but his love is deeper than the West Sea.
The bells pass, and we continue up the mountain, keeping an eye out for nests and amarth. Mikail said the animals are white, so it will be difficult to spot their plumes with all of this snow.
We keep going, and I start to wonder if we’re even on the right mountain. The texts referred to the mountain range, and we chose the central, largest one, but maybe they inhabit a different mountain. I wonder if we should go all the way to the summit to get a better view. We are quickly losing daylight, and we’ll have to make a choice soon.
“Do—” I begin. Royo clamps his hand over my mouth, his palm on my lips.
I stare at him, confused and surprised. And then my surprise turns to fright. His eyes are wide, his muscles rigid. His hand is locked against my face, and he’s looking at something past me.
What could scare him like this?
I follow his line of sight. He’s staring at a nest—or more aptly, the sleeping amarth on top of it.
Chills run through me, my shoulders trembling. Good gods, what is that?
A bird taller than I am stands with its back to us, its head tucked into its wing. I brace myself, ready for an attack, but it’s asleep, steadily breathing. Then I look up at the trees.
Ireallywish I hadn’t done that.
There are at least a dozen more sleeping in the branches. And I can’t tell how many more are in the trees farther along the mountain, but I’m guessing a lot.
The sheer terror of it hits me at once. We are outnumbered and exposed. If any wake, we will be eaten before we make it a few feet. I realize how foolish I was to think I could easily kill one of these things. As if it was the size of a chicken.
Every muscle in my body wants to turn and run, but we’ve come this far. I take a breath. I have to see this through. Alone.
I signal for Royo to wait. He silently argues with me until I point to his boots. Then he balls his hands into fists but reluctantly nods.
On silent feet, I hold my breath. I go a little closer until I can smell the bird. Gods, it reeks of rotting meat and death. I try to focus and breathe through my mouth, continuing until I can peer inside the nest.
This is easily the most absurdly dangerous thing I’ve ever done. If I survive, I should rethink my life choices.
The nest is about waist-high to me, carved into the mountainside and lined with sticks, rocks, and spit-covered down—that’s probably why it smells. But inside the nest are black eggs, including a solitary one at the edge.
That’s it. That’s what we need! And I won’t have to kill an amarth to get it.
It’s strange that the amarth is not sitting on this egg. Either she abandoned it or she rotates the eggs for warmth. I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. I won’t second-guess a gift from the gods.
I grab my amulet and freeze time. Then I lean down and pick up the egg. It’s half the size of my torso and ice-cold. It must’ve been abandoned, which is oddly comforting. I unfreeze time and start running.
I only held time for a few seconds, but I’m already exhausted. I force my heavy-feeling legs to work, my body to run down the path. Royo picks up on the hint and starts sprinting, too.
Full speed ahead, I don’t look behind us. I can’t. It feels as if the amarth will stay asleep so long as I don’t turn back. I run in front of Royo, who took out a dagger, but he sprints holding it.
We go so fast and I’m so light on my feet that I pray he doesn’t fall trying to keep up. Fleeing for your life with the love of your life gives you a strange amount of energy even when you’re dead tired.
I just keep looking ahead. I try to believe that everything will be okay. That Royo and I will make it.
But I can’t help it. I glance over my shoulder. I have to make sure he is with me.
