“You know, you’ve never told me why you settled here and not in Quu near Fallador,” I say.
“Because you can love someone and want to make your mark separate from them. I am my own person here.” She drops her hands and folds them. She’s both telling the truth and lying, because that’s not why she really left the capital. “I hope there’s a place of peace for you, my friend.”
I nod. “Maybe one day.”
She sighs. “You couldn’t sound less sincere if you tried.”
I smile. “Don’t be silly, Gam. I can always be less sincere.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Royo
The Northern Pass, Khitan
Where’d she go? Aeri was just standing there a second ago. I turned and made like I was going to walk back to Yusan, but now she’s gone.
I groan. She’s playing a game, hiding from me.
“Aeri,” I call out. I expect her voice, but there’s no answer. “Aeri, this ain’t funny. Come out.”
Still nothing. I hold my breath, listening, but everything is dead silent. A feeling of wrongness drapes over me. A creeping sensation up my back tells me I’m missing something.
It’s nearly dark out, but I spot bubbles rising to the top of the hot spring. That’s weird. Aeri had just said the spring wasn’t bubbling.
My stomach plummets. Oh fuck. Aeri! She’s in the water.
I jump right into the pool, and the hot water stings, but I barely notice because I’m swinging my arms wildly through the water below, my heart thundering in my chest.
“Aeri, Aeri, where are you?” I call out.
I scan the surface, but there are just the ripples I caused.
My breath lodges in my throat. Did she pass out? How could she have gone under so quickly? Then I realize: she can’t swim.
That was the face she made on the Sol when the pirates attacked—she can’t fucking swim. And I turned my back on her.
Frantic, I feel around the water. Nothing. I take a deep breath and dive under.
I don’t remember when or where I learned to swim—must’ve been when I was real young. It feels like I’ve always known.
It’s not until I’m a few feet down that I realize I don’t know what could be lurking in this dark spring. But it don’t matter. I’d fistfight Lord Yama to get Aeri back.
I keep reaching out, pushing deeper, and finally I feel something. It’s slight. I’m not sure what it is until I hit fingers. Aeri’s arm. My chest floods with relief as I pull her body to mine, then kick as hard as I can to reach the air.
We break the surface. I gasp, my lungs burning, but her eyes are closed and she’s not moving. I toss her onto the snow, and then I jump out, too.
I land almost on top of her. The cold air is shocking, but so is the fact that I found her. She’s okay. But she’s just lying there.
Fuck my life. She’s not breathing.
With my hands shaking like an earthquake, I turn her over my knee. I hit my palm on her back to try to force the water out. Nothing happens. I lean down and put my ear to her chest. I wait, hoping, holding my breath.
Silence. There’s no heartbeat. Not a single one.
Cold like I’ve never felt before seizes me and holds me in place.
She’s dead. She died while I fucking stood here.
