I catch my breath as we stare at each other. “I’m sorry—”
“No, I’m sorry,” she says. “I— It’s just—” She looks to the side.
She doesn’t want this. A boulder lodges in my throat. It feels like I’m plummeting, falling from the top of a mountain as my stomach turns and my head spins.
“It’s fine,” I say quickly.
“It’s not that…” she begins, shaking her head.
We keep talking at the same time, and it’s real annoying. I move her to the side and stand. Her gaze flickers to my pants, to the bulge she was just pressed against. I clear my throat and then get busy with picking up the bowls. I need to get away from here.
“It’s fine. We got carried away,” I say. “It’s fine.”
“Royo…”
“I’m gonna bury the rest of this so animals don’t come for it,” I say.
I avoid looking at her as I take the empty pot and bowls and stomp off toward the roadway.
Embarrassment and the sting of rejection make me move quickly. It don’t matter, though. We just got lost in it. She’d looked so beautiful, and this place is so incredible, I forgot. I forgot I’m better off alone. I forgot that I can only ruin any woman who gets close to me.
I’d say sorry for taking things too far, but she’d seemed like she wanted me. No. I must’ve read it wrong. She pulled back. In the end, she didn’t want me.
Or maybe it’s all just a game to her.
The thought is a bolt. A stab to the gut, made worse because I should’ve seen it coming.
Why would a princess like Aeri ever want a street thug like me?
I squat down by the pass and dig a hole in the snow. I take my time scraping every grain of the rice out of the bowls. Then I bury it all, along with my feelings. I use the snow to rinse everything clean.
By the time I’m done, my head is clear again. She was right to pull away. This is the last distraction we need. We’re on the brink of war, still trying to kill a god king, and we have to get an egg from a deadly talking parrot or something.
Sex should be the last thing on my mind.
It’s not.
I run my hand down my face and groan. I’d let it all go as a mistake, but when we were kissing, I’d listened for every little sigh, paid attention to every gasp. She was enjoying it. She wanted me right up until I hit her necklace.
It’s gotta be the one I saw when we were on the riverboat. Simple with a yellow gem. Maybe it’s a memento of something…or someone.
My heart thunders at the thought. For all I know, she has someone waiting on her in Pyong. I never asked.
I take a deep breath. Yeah, that idea doesn’t make it better. Not even a little.
Now I have to sleep in a tiny tent next to her and keep her warm for the next three nights. And hopefully there’s a return trip.
I should’ve gone with Mikail to steal that rotting corpse.
Chapter Forty
Tiyung
Idle Prison, Yusan
The stranger in my cell gets to his feet as the door closes behind him. Like me, he’s unchained. I fumble to light the lantern. As the flame spurts to life, he looks at me warily, keeping his distance. He’s around my father’s age, a little younger maybe, but this man is far different from Seok. He’s a fighter, with a scarred eyebrow to prove it. He’s probably been a long-term soldier from how he carries himself. And now he’s a prisoner like me.
He’s assessing me the same way I look at him. I keep my hands loose at my sides as I search for the glimmer of a weapon. I don’t see one, but his shirt and pants are relatively neat, and he is clean-shaven. He must’ve recently arrived in Idle. The man has dirty-blond hair and light-brown skin. He takes in my soiled dress, but he stops and squints at my face.
